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LONDON — In an attempt to lay a solid biblical foundation following his recent baptism, church leaders worked to get Russell Brand up to speed on Christian theology by sitting him down for a VeggieTales marathon.

The group of assorted clergymen believed the best way to help Brand understand scriptural truth was to play him every episode and movie of VeggieTales ever made.

“This will be foundational for his faith,” said Rev. Ken Hyland. “We don’t want the young seedling of belief in Russell’s life to be choked out or wither away due to lack of spiritual nourishment. That’s why we’re starting with bedrock VegieTales episodes like ‘Rack, Shack, and Benny’ and ‘Dave and the Giant Pickle’ and cranking through as many as we can until he’s seen them all. VeggieTales was made for such a time as this.”

With Brand’s conversion and public profession of faith drawing increased attention online, church leaders knew they had little time to put him through any seminary-level courses on theology, opting instead for the tried-and-true VeggieTales crash course. “It’s basically the same stuff he’d learn at a fancy divinity school anyway,” Hyland said. “I challenge anyone to come up with a theology class as comprehensive and informative as ‘Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson’s Hairbrush.’ It’s not possible. Because it doesn’t exist.”

At publishing time, the church leaders confirmed Brand had watched all episodes successfully and was preparing to binge all episodes of Adventures in Odyssey.

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