VILLA RICA, GA—On the way home from his family’s long-anticipated trip to Disney World, toddler David Hayes informed his father that the Magic Kingdom had come up just short of a trip through the car wash....
Read MoreCHEYENNE, WY—Local man Mike Campbell received his honey-do list over breakfast, and within moments calculated that his wife had doled out four podcasts’ worth of chores. “Ok, trim the...
Read MoreLOS ANGELES, CA—George Lucas has put up his own billboards in response to the Disney billboards promoting their latest Star Wars shows. The famed director and creator of Star Wars appeared to be mocking the very company he sold...
Read MoreSAN FERNANDO, CA—A lifeguard at the San Fernando Community Pool reportedly refused to jump in and save a drowning child who was fighting for his life in 6 feet of water because it would constitute risking his life. The lifeguard...
Read MoreWASHINGTON, D.C.—A senile old man in Washington who has a deadly nuclear arsenal at his fingertips is calling for dangerous weapons to be taken out of the hands of the mentally unstable. “Listen, folks, this...
Read MoreMARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA—From his coastal estate that will probably be underwater in ten years, former President Barack Obama issued a statement today encouraging Americans to honor Memorial Day by remembering the sacrifice of...
Read MoreNot happy with your results? Refresh the page or click here to try again! In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members...
Read MoreOXFORD, MS—Physicists have pulled back the curtain on one of life’s greatest mysteries, discovering the existence of miniature black holes between a car’s driver seat and the middle console. ...
Read MoreLOS ANGELES, CA—With nothing to do during basketball playoffs, LeBron James turned on a hockey game and was shocked to see players somehow getting back to their feet after being knocked over. “This makes no...
Read MoreU.S.—Parents across the nation have begun disguising their kids’ elementary schools as the Capitol Building in D.C. so the government will approve funding to keep them secure. “Hello, welcome to Clem Elementary—um, I...
Read MoreIn the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are...
Read MoreBrought to you by: Summer is heeeeeeere! Oh wait, you’re an adult and have kids. Now you have to figure out what to do with them before you are driven to the edge of madness. What a drag!Don’t panic. We’ve...
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