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GAZA — Mohammed Sinwar took time away from raping this week to celebrate Ramadan and confide in his fellow Gazans about the hardship of avoiding rape during Ramadan.

“It’s really hard,” he confessed before family and friends. “I want to rape so bad, but I cannot because, you know, Ramadan and all that.”

Ramadan is observed by Muslims worldwide as a commemoration of the first revelation of the prophet Muhammad. It is a time of increased worship, and fasting except during the multiple daily gluttonous feasts. But warriors in Hamas are finding it particularly difficult this time of year as they are currently in the midst of war.

“What is wartime for if not for sharing in the joy of raping?” Sinwar lamented. “Alas, the things I sacrifice for Allah.”

Mohammed Sinwar is just one of several freedom fighters struggling with their observance of Ramadan. Fortunately, Muslim men have banded together to keep each other honest during this holy month.

“Do not trouble yourself, my friends,” Imam Hamza Yahya counseled troubled men at the local mosque. “When the sun sets, your fast ends. Then you may partake in the rape of whichever infidel dogs you wish.”

He added, “And don’t forget to be discreet! We don’t want to lose aid from America.”

At publishing time, America continued to send aid to Hamas in spite of the raping.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.


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