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SHELTON, CT — With high prices continuing to ravage the U.S. economy, popular restaurant chains have been forced to come up with more affordable deals. As a result, Subway has introduced a new $5 inch-long sandwich.

The new combo, which the sandwich chain hopes will draw increased customer interest amid the tough economic landscape, includes a one-inch sub, a potato chip, and a napkin at no extra charge.

“This is sure to be our hot new menu option for 2024,” said Subway spokesman Irv Dent. “We’ve seen the challenges our customers are facing economically, and we’ve felt the weight of that burden ourselves. That’s why we’ve decided to make one full inch of our delicious Subway sandwiches available for the new low price of just five dollars.”

Despite corporate excitement over the new combo offering, customers were unimpressed. “Five dollars for an inch of sandwich?” asked frequent Subway patron Dave Harmon. “For me, that’s like one and a half bites. Can I get another chip, maybe? I’m hungry.”Sources with Subway confirmed that customers will be able to add an additional chip for only $3.

“Expecting to get an entire, adult-sized sandwich for the old price isn’t realistic anymore, I’m afraid,” said Dent. “Look on the bright side, though. We still promise to maintain our standard ‘seven handfuls of shredded lettuce for every slice of meat’ policy.”

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.


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