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LOS ANGELES, CA — Mourners and curious onlookers alike gathered along the 405 freeway in Southern California to bear witness as Los Angeles Police vehicles slowly escorted a white For Bronco hearse containing O.J. Simpson.

The procession, which traveled at a low speed with law enforcement working to prohibit any other vehicles from getting on the freeway, allowed onlookers to have one final chance to see Simpson being followed by police officers.

“One last time, for old time’s sake,” said one witness who watched the white Bronco roll by followed by dozens of police cruisers. “He died as he lived. It’s poetic when you think about it. And you have to feel for the police, too. They never really did catch him, did they? And yet here they are, still pursuing him. Really makes you think.”

An LAPD spokesman described the mood of the procession. “We felt it was important,” said Officer Reginald Johnson. “We began our pursuit of the perp — sorry, we began escorting the procession for the deceased as it left the Brentwood area and continued to follow until it reached its destination. We advised officers to keep a close eye on the hearse to make sure it wasn’t trying to flee. You just never know.”

At publishing time, crowds along the road were cheering as O.J. stayed ahead of the police one last time. “He did it again!” said onlooker Shawn Grimes. “I mean, he didn’t ‘do it.’ That’s not what I meant. Sorry, that was a poor choice of words.”

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.


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