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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the website Pornhub’s ban in five states for not working to prevent minors from being exposed to inappropriate and graphic content, Democrats around the country warned that a ban on pornography could result in young men learning to lead and contribute to society.

According to Democratic leaders, preventing access to pornographic content could have widespread effects on the country’s young men, leaving them susceptible to being productive, behaving like real men, stepping up to lead in their homes and communities, and potentially even changing the world for the better.

“Mark my words, these bans could spell disaster for our democracy,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “We’ve got to stop conservatives from banning porn as quickly as we can. If they keep this up, they might succeed in helping young men become responsible, valued members of society. Without being poisoned by pornography, those kids might go and do dangerous things like get married, create healthy families, or even worse, become Christians. It could be a disaster for the future of the Democratic Party.”

At publishing time, prominent Democrats had called a secret closed-door meeting to devise new strategies to make sure young men continue to have their lives completely derailed by the time they reach adulthood.

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