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NAZARETH — A great commotion was sparked among the village residents today, as Jesus’s parents realized He was divine after He completed a carpentry project without having to go back to Home Depot a single time.

The miraculous feat came as Jesus finished fixing the front door of the family’s home, which had come off one of its hinges and needed repair. According to reports, Jesus’s parents, Joseph and Mary, noticed that he completed the project without ever having to take any more than one trip to the Home Depot in nearby Cana.

“This isn’t something a mere mortal man can accomplish,” Joseph was overheard saying to Mary. “There is no doubt that our son is the incarnation of God Himself! Look at Him! He fixed the door without having to go back to Home Depot 12 times to get the right parts and toold! Do you think something like that just ‘happens?!’ Of course not! I’ve never seen anything so astounding. There are no words.”

Jesus’s mother agreed. “I would not have believed it if I did not see it with my own eyes,” she said. “The door… it is fully repaired, as good as new! The angel was right — the boy we are raising in our home can be none other than the Son of God! Now, quick, let’s make a list of things for HIm to fix around the house.”

Word spread quickly throughout the village, leading some people to believe, while others scoffed and refused to have faith that this had actually taken place.

At publishing time, Joseph had no comment on rumors that he felt Jesus was making him look bad.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.


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