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WASHINGTON, DC – In an ongoing effort to keep the President from running into stationary objects, Whitehouse staff placed Biden in a giant hamster ball this week for his own safety.

The President was seen traversing the lawn in the giant plastic ball, which observers say is an effective way to keep him from running into trees, hedges, and other dangerous object

“This is a great solution for when he needs to get from Point A to Point B without harming himself or others,” Whitehouse staffer Mel Baker told the press. “We’re thinking of making one for him to use on Airforce One and another one for the campaign trail too.”

Staffers helped the President into the ball after a series of videos emerged of his most recent falls and stumbles. “It’s safer this way…for all of us,” one aid told reporters.

Sources close to Biden say the President was happy with the giant hamster ball and thought it resembled a big scoop of ice cream.

“Presidents throughout history have used similar devices for mobility,” Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre told the press. “Towards the end of his life, William Haward Taft was often placed in a giant dog stroller and wheeled through the halls of Congress. Totally factual.”

As of publishing time, Secret Service agents were seen frantically searching for the President after Biden bounced down a set of stairs near the Oval Office.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.


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