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NEW YORK, NY — Riot police armed with sticks of deodorant charged at Pro-Hamas demonstrators this week, causing protestors to flee in terror.

“Look at ’em go!” Chief of Police David Anders commented. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Just waving a stick of deodorant around these dirty hippy beatnik protestors causes them to recoil in horror. Most fun I’ve had since the 1960s.”

Many protestors told reporters they hadn’t used deodorant in years and definitely didn’t plan to now. “I refuse to wash my bits and pits until the apartheid ruling power of Israel relinquishes their stronghold on the people of Palestine,” Protestor Andrew Gilligan said. “From the river to the sea, my armpits will stay stinky!”

Riot police could be seen lunging at protestors with sticks of both men’s and women’s deodorant. Protestors scattered quickly at the sight of grooming supplies, with some activists accusing police of using unnecessarily harsh crowd-dispersal methods.

As of publishing time, police announced they are considering bringing in more powerful deterrents, like giant Italian deli sandwiches to scare off all the vegans and combs and brushes to chase down the dreadlock bros with.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.


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