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If ever you’ve sat around wondering what the disproportionate effects of theoretical climate change might be on single-sex couples, well, don’t worry, some crackerjack researchers at UCLA have been wondering the same thing:

A new study out of UCLA says same-sex couples are at greater “risk of exposure to the adverse effects of climate change” than straight couples.

These effects include “wildfires, floods, smoke-filled skies, and drought,” according to a report from KQED.

Who ever knew that so broad a demographic could be so vulnerable to so many disasters??

It turns out that gay couples “disproportionately live in coastal regions and cities, which are more vulnerable to such disasters.” Well, we all kind of know that’s true: You’re much more apt to find two men holdings hands in San Francisco or New York than you are in Des Moines.

And as we all know, it’s those cities that always get hit the worst in the natural disaster flicks:

In a sign of national scandal, it turns out that our nation’s capital poses the biggest threat to gay couples:

Washington DC, which rates high for “climate risks” such as heat waves, floods, and “dangerously strong winds,” has the greatest proportion of gay couples in the U.S.

I blame the Obama administration for making the city so gay-friendly and setting it up for a years-in-the-making gay climate disaster!

One researcher, meanwhile, stresses that the problem is almost certainly gayer and more dire than even they found:

“Our findings probably understate the true impact that climate change is having on LGBTQ people.”

So if any gay folks are thinking of getting out of the coastal cities, I guess we just have one piece of advice:

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