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VOLUNTARI — Men who have searched their entire lives for instruction on how to be more masculine and successful finally received the news they had waited for, as kickboxer/entrepreneur/social media personality/alleged criminal Andrew Tate released a new course on how to be a manly stud under investigation for sex trafficking.

The long-awaited course will provide subscribers with a step-by-step plan to help them take control of their lives, become wealthy through unsavory means, and build a reputation for being a horrible, abusive pimp and sex trafficking mogul.

“It’s everything you’ve ever wanted to know about being a man,” Tate said in a video announcement of the course posted online. “How to love yourself? Check. How to use loathsome tactics to entice and enslave susceptible young women? It’s right here. How to build a large social media following of toxic, misogynistic, self-professed alpha males while also engaging in activities that land you in a Romanian prison under investigation for sex trafficking? Got it. If you want to be an ultra-successful manly stud like me, this is your chance.”

Tate’s followers were excited by the announcement. “Yeah, bro!” exclaimed Chet Rampert in a reply to Tate’s post. “I’ve wished for years to be just as awesome and worthy of public contempt and legal prosecution as Andrew Tate, and now I can! I’m going to get this course, study everything he does, and end up a manly stud under investigation for sex trafficking just like him! Thanks, Andrew Tate!”

At publishing time, Tate announced that the first 100 people to purchase the course would also receive a bonus lesson titled “Become Rich, Famous, And Terminally Incarcerated”.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.


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