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AUSTIN, TX — Local dad Mark Carson landed his dream job this week at a brewery coming up with clever names for new beers.

“Awww, yeah,” Carson said. “I’ve been training for this for my entire dad life. Can I come up with Grade-A beer puns for new beverages? You bet I can, just check out my latest magnum opus ‘It Takes Brew To Tango’. I’m a natural. ‘Hop-shank Redemption’? Oh, you better believe that was my brainchild.”

Carson was hired at local brewery High West Beer to come up with clever puns for new drinks. Ten minutes into his new gig, Mark had named over 12 new beers, drawing on his years of dad-joke-making to christen each beverage with a creative, catchy, punny moniker.

Among his crowing achievements are:

  • Pursuit Of Hoppiness
  • Wheat the People
  • Lager? I Barely Knew Her
  • Malter White
  • Hefeweizenburg
  • Brews Almighty
  • Ale’s Well That Ends Well
  • On The Road A-Guinness (not to be confused with his other stroke of genius Smart Alek Guinness)
  • Hopportunity Knocks
  • What You Talkin Stout Willis
  • Beauty And The Yeast
  • Brewed Awakening
  • Hop To Conclusions
  • Jagged Little Pilsner

As of publishing time, Mark had been promoted to Chief Naming Officer and had named over two hundred new beers in his first week on the job.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.


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