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CENTERVILLE, OH — The city council found itself at a crossroads today, as decision-makers considered whether or not the town should add a fourth crushingly mediocre Mexican restaurant.

While proponents of the addition argue that having only three astoundingly average Mexican dining options was holding the city back from the growth it would need to climb the list of prominent Midwestern towns, opponents of the move argued that the city already has enough painfully underwhelming Mexican restaurants.

“It’s a difficult decision,” said one member of the council. “Though we don’t want to flood the market with redundant choices, we also know that any Midwestern town worth its salt needs to have at least four unremarkable, pedestrian Mexican restaurants. If we want to grow as a city, we need to do better. And by better, I mean have more inauthentic Mexican eateries that don’t excite anyone.”

The town’s other Mexican restaurants have experienced sustained levels of apathy throughout their existence, which has raised the prospect of adding a fourth establishment about which residents can feel unenthusiastic. “This choice could lead our town toward a bright future,” the council member said. “After all, as our population grows, we’ll need more places for people to get pre-packaged tortilla chips and a bowl of red water masquerading as ‘salsa.’ Adding a fourth uninspiring Mexican food option could really put us on the map.”

At publishing time, the city council was continuing to debate the decision while weighing it against the possibility of simply adding a Waffle House to cement its status as a stereotypical Midwestern town.

It’s a serious medical emergency: you’re minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.


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