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For people 35 and under, Monday was the first time in their lifetime that a Republican presidential election victory was certified by Congress with zero Democratic objections, but in their 2025 debuts, the late night comedians wanted to claim that Monday’s proceedings showed Republicans how the transfer of power is supposed to be done.

ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel quipped, “In a master stroke of irony, Congress certified Donald Trump’s victory today. Of all days, this one went off without Ted Cruz having to hide in a broom closet. This time he was just in there looking at stepmom porn.”

He also observed how Kamala Harris was the one who had to preside over the process, “Harris made it clear that she was following the oath she had taken as vice president and ensuring the peaceful transfer of power to the next administration. Boring. I mean, you notice how uneventful it was today? The Democrats lost, and they accepted they lost. There were no vegan baristas scaling The Capitol walls, no one was wearing animal horns, no one in face paint calling himself the ‘Blue Anon Shaman.’”

Kimmel then proceeded to interview a Blue Anon Shaman character who wanted to fight for stereotypical progressive causes like electric cars, pronouns, and catchphrases about diversity and climate change.

Speaking of irony, Jon Stewart kicked off The Daily Show’s 2025 run on Comedy Central by sarcastically asking Congressman and 2016 objector Jamie Raskin, “I imagine, sir, a very hectic day. Did they do their traditional chasing of the Congresspeople through the bowels of the building?”

Raskin replied, “Yeah, luckily it was snowing outside, so all the insurrectionists were slipping and falling on the road and everything, so. But no, we, today was actually a totally uneventful and peaceful and nonviolent day. It is what January 6th should be and it’s what it used to be like, I suppose.”

As D.C. was blanketed by snow, Stewart continued to help Raskin whitewash his own history of election denialism, “Congressman, is it hard on a day like today, seeing the way that it went, not to be passive-aggressive to the Republican colleagues, to not be like, ‘Oh! Hey, look at this, done by 1:00! Hey! Oh, my god, we can go out to Friday’s and eat apps because there was no rioting?’”

Raskin was more than happy to cover up his own past, “Yeah, the whole thing took, like, maybe 25 minutes. It should have taken 15 minutes but some of our Republican colleagues confused it with the Republican National Convention and they were cheering and applauding and yelling. We were just there to count the votes, and we were not there to, you know, continue the campaign. But, yeah, I mean, I talked to my friend Lauren Boebert and I asked her how she enjoyed it, and she said it was great because no Democrats had made any objections, and I said it was terrific because nobody tried to assassinate the vice president, and so we were all happy with how it went.”

Over at CBS and The Late Show, Stephen Colbert tried to praise Democrats by noting, “Oh, yeah, today, Donald Trump’s electoral victory was certified by Congress.” 

After some booing from the audience, Colbert continued, “Yes, I used to feel things too. And the striking thing about this time was how normal it was again. There was no riot. No one broke a window with their beard. In fact, the whole process took only 30 minutes. Yeah, democracy shouldn’t take longer than it takes Rachel Ray to make a meal. Peaceful transfer of power? Yummo.”

Whether Kimmel, Colbert, Stewart, and Raskin want to admit it or not, no Republican who planned to object to the 2020 election thought there would be a riot. Some of them even said what they were doing was no big deal and cited previous Democratic objections to defend themselves. It is a good thing no Democrats objected on Monday, but it should not have taken them getting a dose of their own medicine to finally allow the certification of a GOP president without objection for the first time since George H.W. Bush.

Here are transcripts for the January 6 shows:

ABC Jimmy Kimmel Live!

1/6/2024

11:45 PM ET

JIMMY KIMMEL: In a master stroke of irony, Congress certified Donald Trump’s victory today. Of all days, this one went off without Ted Cruz having to hide in a broom closet. This time he was just in there looking at stepmom porn, but poor Kamala Harris, because she is vice president and president of the Senate, she had to give the official signoff on Trump’s win, which, that is cruel and unusual. It’s like making your ex DJ your wedding to your new–. Harris made it clear that she was following the oath she had taken as vice president and ensuring the peaceful transfer of power to the next administration. Boring. I mean, you notice how uneventful it was today? The Democrats lost, and they accepted they lost. There were no vegan baristas scaling The Capitol walls, no one was wearing animal horns, no one in face paint calling himself the “Blue Anon Shaman.”

***

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

1/6/2024

11:36 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: Oh, yeah, today, Donald Trump’s electoral victory was certified by Congress. Yes, I used to feel things too. And the striking thing about this time was how normal it was again. There was no riot. No one broke a window with their beard. In fact, the whole process took only 30 minutes. Yeah, democracy shouldn’t take longer than it takes Rachel Ray to make a meal. Peaceful transfer of power? Yummo. 

***

Comedy Central The Daily Show

1/6/2024

11:25 PM ET

JON STEWART How are you, sir? Thank you for joining us. I imagine, sir, a very hectic day. Did they do their traditional chasing of the Congresspeople through the bowels of the building?

JAMIE RASKIN: Yeah, luckily it was snowing outside, so all the insurrectionists were slipping and falling on the road and everything, so. But no, we, today was actually a totally uneventful and peaceful and nonviolent day. It is what January 6th should be and it’s what it used to be like, I suppose.

STEWART: Congressman, is it hard on a day like today, seeing the way that it went, not to be passive-aggressive to the Republican colleagues, to not be like, “Oh! Hey, look at this, done by 1:00! Hey! Oh, my god, we can go out to Friday’s and eat apps because there was no rioting?”

RASKIN: Yeah, the whole thing took, like, maybe 25 minutes. It should have taken 15 minutes but some of our Republican colleagues confused it with the Republican National Convention and they were cheering and applauding and yelling. We were just there to count the votes, and we were not there to, you know, continue the campaign. But, yeah, I mean, I talked to my friend Lauren Boebert and I asked her how she enjoyed it, and she said it was great because no Democrats had made any objections, and I said it was terrific because nobody tried to assassinate the vice president, and so we were all happy with how it went.