How to Sink Two Oil Tankers With This 1 Weird Trick

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Two Russian oil tankers were lost in the Black Sea this weekend, resulting in at least one death and unknown ecological damage. One of the tankers broke apart in a storm and sank. The other lost control and ran aground near the port of Taman.

Before going any further into today’s tales of wartime absurdities, let me ask you this question: “What happens when you take a riverboat out to sea?”

“Probably nothing good” is the safe answer, even for people who don’t know much about boating. But you’ve probably heard the phrase “rough seas,” and I’m sure you’ve never heard the phrase “rough rivers” because those aren’t a thing. Seagoing vessels are designed with rough seas in mind. Rivergoing boats aren’t.

“So, yeah, certainly nothing good.”

Now let’s say you put two riverboats to sea, and each one is more than 50 years old.

This time, you should answer, “You have got to be kidding me.”

Now, fill each of them with 4,000 tons or so of oil.

“WHAT?”

And sail them through a warzone.

“Are you [SEVERAL EXTREMELY COLORFUL EXPLETIVES IN A ROW REDACTED] kidding me? Who would be so monumentally stupid?”

Maybe not so much stupid as desperate.

When I saw on X yesterday that Russia had lost two tankers, presumably supplying oil to Russian troops in Crimea or southern Ukraine, my first thought was that Ukraine must have gotten lucky, indeed, to sink two small tankers in one day.

But no such luck was required.

Ukraine has done an impressive job of hammering Russian logistics. That strategy worked to great effect in three different counteroffensives in 2022, forcing Russian invaders out on three fronts. It worked less impressively during Ukraine’s failed 2023 counteroffensive in the south.

Apparently, however, in late 2024, Russia’s supply situation is dire enough that they thought it was worth the risk to send two riverine oil tankers into the Black Sea. This is the sad (and probably predictable) result:

According to Rosmorrechflot, there were 29 seafarers on board the Volgoneft 212 and Volgoneft 239 during Sunday’s incident.

Thirteen seafarers have been evacuated from the Volgoneft 212, including one dead person, according to Tass news agency. At least eight had to be lifted from the water, and two are said to be hospitalized in serious condition with hypothermia.

Evacuation is underway for the crew of the Volgoneft 239, which was previously reported to be still on board and maintaining radio contact.

“The accident resulted in a spill of oil products,” Rosmorrechflot said. The extent of the oil spill is still under investigation, authorities told Ria Novosti.

Elsewhere in Ukraine, things are going better for Russia — at a cost that ought to have Russian families using “Putin” as a curse worse for generations to come.

Dmitri of WarTranslated reported Saturday on “Russian forces conducting meat-grinder assaults in columns, with no armored transport support, near the village of Kruglenkoye on the Kursk bridgehead. Despite heavy losses, they continue to advance, desperately trying to carry out Putin’s orders.” (Dmitri uses open-source intelligence and Russian reporting on Telegram.)

The Kursk bridgehead is just one scene of increasingly heavy fighting stretching hundreds of miles. December’s bloodshed isn’t yet over, but look at the previous three months, summarized from Newsweek and Ukranews by ChatGPT:

September 2024: Approximately 38,130 Russian troops were reported as casualties.
October 2024: Casualties increased to about 41,980.
November 2024: The number rose further to approximately 45,720, averaging 1,523 casualties per day—the highest daily rate since the beginning of the conflict.

Russia is losing the equivalent of our entire Iraq and Afghanistan campaigns (2001-2021) every five or six weeks from a population less than half the size of ours.

Putin’s strategy is sound enough, I suppose — grab as much land as he can, at whatever cost in blood, before Donald Trump returns to office and the U.S. finally gets serious about waging peace.

Extra thousands of dead and tens of thousands of wounded in exchange for a few more ruined villages hardly seems worth the effort, but what do I know?

Let’s wrap up today’s report with some good news, this time out of Poland.

What Poland ought to do next is constitutionally recognize and codify gun rights — if only to make so many heads explode in Brussels that the damage could be seen from space.

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