We support our Publishers and Content Creators. You can view this story on their website by CLICKING HERE.

CHINATOWN, NY — Patrons of Grand Family Food 长城 Sezchuan Traditional Chinese Restaurant began expressing suspicions about the restaurant’s authenticity after seeing that the cash register wasn’t even manned by the owner’s 9-year-old son while doing homework.

While Chen Zhe, the restaurant’s owner and proprietor was himself present at the register, the damage had already been done to the restaurant’s reputation, and several patrons left in disgust.

“I hate these Americanized chains,” said Jimmy Nottel. “If there isn’t a 9-year-old little prodigy doing his advanced calculus homework by the register, is it even Chinese? What’s the world coming to? Can’t a man find a real Chinese spot for some Zhajiangmian or Char Siu anymore?”

Several other patrons expressed further concerns about the lack of mechanical golden cats waving their paws up and down, ink wash paintings of Chinese mountains, and jade grasshopper statues.

At publishing time, Grand Family Food 长城 Sezchuan Traditional Chinese Restaurant had repaired the public relations damage by making sure that their 7-year-old daughter Suzie could clearly be heard practicing Beethoven’s Piano Sonata no. 8 from the back room.

Here’s what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!


Make America Healthy Again!