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OVERLAND PARK, KS — This holiday season promised to be more spectacular than any before it for one local megachurch congregation, as renowned action filmmaker Michael Bay was hired to direct this year’s Christmas service.

The leadership at Abundant River of Grace announced that the church had brought the Transformers director on board to create a blockbuster holiday spectacle that would be sure to draw in lovers of Jesus and explosive action set pieces.

“It’s going to be a Christmas of epic proportions,” said Assistant Entertainment Pastor Chad Snyder. “Never before has anything related to Christmas happened that would be this huge and memorable. Except the actual birth of Jesus. Maybe. It’s hard to say which is bigger, honestly.”

Bay expressed excitement to be involved in the project. “This is a new arena for me,” the director said. “I’ve done it all in the film industry — giant intergalactic robots, asteroids barreling toward Earth, the attack on Pearl Harbor, secret missions to infiltrate Alcatraz — but directing a church Christmas service will be my biggest project yet. Be prepared for more action than you ever thought you’d see at church. Everyone has heard the story about the angels telling the shepherds about Christ’s birth… just imagine if the angels all had machine guns. And explosions. Lots of explosions. Get your popcorn ready.”

Sources revealed that Bay had already commissioned stunt drivers, pyrotechnic experts, and the special effects wizards at Industrial Light & Magic to start pre-production work on the service, which had reportedly been given a $200 million budget.

At publishing time, Bay had yet to confirm reports that Shia LaBeouf had signed on to appear at the service in the role of Baby Jesus.

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