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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an announcement that has raised eyebrows around the nation, Kash Patel recently promised the American public that he would keep both eyes wide open for Deep State conspiracies during his time as FBI director.

Patel reportedly vowed to redirect the gaze of the FBI from tracking US citizens to searching for corruption and overreach within the Deep State.

“As director of the FBI, I promise to keep my eyes widely and firmly fixed on the goal of thwarting the Deep State,” Patel told reporters, opening his eyes to their widest extent in order to illustrate his point. “We will be looking into any evidence of Deep State collusion with a broad scrutiny. Rest assured, we’ll overlook nothing — and no one.”

The announcement comes after Patel had already promised to personally oversee significant reforms to the FBI, which he says has been somewhat myopically focused on wiretapping average Americans instead of going after criminals.

“I will follow through on my promise with all the bright-eyed enthusiasm I can muster,” said Patel. “If anyone tries to hide their corruption, I will see right through it.”

At publishing time, Patel had teased the public with an announcement of several more eye-opening changes he’ll be making to the FBI.

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