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From our Fractured Media files, it is time for a new round of nominations for nefarious news nonsense! In recognizing the efforts of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery, we have created The Golden Remington Awards. 

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This trophy honors the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. To commemorate that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today or misreport in an audacious fashion.

In this edition, there are a variety of subjects that deserve unmerited recognition from various outlets. These are the inauspicious nominations in several categories, hoping to be (dis)honored at the end of the year for the 2024 Remmy Awards.

Distinguished Public Service

  • Jake Tapper – CNN

Recently there has been a series of deep-sea earthquakes recorded off the coast of California. You know, that state that rests atop a very active fault line? Well, despite the lengthy history of tremors and quakes in that very specific region, Jake Tapper brought on a seismologist to discuss the development and asked him a…curious question.

“Does climate change play any role in the increasing severity of earthquakes?”

Climate…affecting the shifting of tectonic plates. That is the question he asked. It is just the same empty claim about hurricanes allegedly occurring with more frequency and intensity (they are not), but Jake is unembarrassed to spew this tired talking point. You have to appreciate the seismologist trying to make Jake appear less inane while saying there is not any evidence of this, as he responds that there are people looking into it.

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People like Jake Tapper, we can assume.

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Ruth Ben-Ghiat – MSNBC

There has been no shortage of accusations hurled in the direction of Pete Hegseth after being picked as Donald Trump’s choice for Secretary of Defense. One of the best, however, was seen on MSNBC, where historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat tried to describe Hegseth as someone who sympathizes with extremists and militias. Her proof of this is that he once used to sell hand grenade soap.

Not soap to clean hand grenades, but his extremism was on display as he sold soap in the shape of grenades. (For accuracy, it was shaped like a Claymore mine.)

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Maureen Dowd, Patrick Healy, Tressie McMillan Cottom, Lydia Polgreen – New York Times

With the release of the movie “Wicked,” a motion picture adaptation of the popular Broadway production, we have been inundated with some of the most insufferable fans, social media reactions, and promotions. Worse still has been the press junket, with stars Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo. 

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To explain the bat-guano crazy level of theater kid emotional excess on display, in one interview with a journalist from queer media, the interviewer said the lyrics from the songs were affecting fans deeply, and they were “holding space” for what the character was feeling. Erivo took this personally, declaring how that was what she always wanted, despite the lyrics being written by someone else 20 years ago. Then in a later interview, Grande and Erivo declared they really had no idea what “holding space” meant, probably a defense against the moment going viral and being embarrassing, but this was claimed despite numerous promo videos from the studio showing Grande using that very same expression. It has all been tedious and insufferable.

Just to add to the overwrought melodramatics, the Times collocated no fewer than four of its writers to sit together and come up with all of the social messaging they saw in the film:

It is an anti-fascist allegory, a treatise on feminism (although they were not sure which wave of feminism, the third? Possibly the fourth??). And of course there was deep racial significance in Erivo being cast, because it is supposedly important that she is black…in order to play a green character.

Then Mo Dowd jumps in and topples it all, sharing what she’s seen on social media.

Maureen Dowd: Remarkably, some people on TikTok are comparing Elphaba to Donald Trump, saying that the green-faced girl is like the orange-faced man because she, too, is a victim of the “deep state.”

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Distinguished Local Reporting

In its lengthy report on the manner in which many malls and open-air shopping districts are gearing up for the Christmas season, this one included the tony side of the holidays in Los Angeles. At The Westfield in Century City, revelers can purchase tickets for their kids to visit the onsite wonderland and spend time with Santa – for the right price.

At “Santa’s North Pole Adventure” they are offering three different levels of enjoyment. For $109, you can get the “Elf Pass,” while “The Reindeer Express” will set you back $125. But for the top-tier experience, you’ll want to pony up for the VIP Pass, which entitles you to join “Santa’s Inner Circle.” That one comes with complimentary baked goods from Mrs. Claus, and as the center’s website explains, “Elves will prioritize your group’s check-in.”

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The Rice Cake Reporting Certificate for Distinguished Content-Free Reporting, Sponsored by Quaker Brands

With any and all of Donald Trump’s named appointments for his cabinet, the press has launched into attack mode on all of them by rote. Most of these attacks have been somewhere between tepid and ridiculous. One of the most impotent was this example, where Kash Patel is said to be an invalid choice for FBI Director – due to his having held parties in his parents’ home when he was in high school.

To give you an idea of the impact this scathing story delivered, Sweet has deleted her post.

Distinguished Sports Journalism

It feels like this is an attempt at introducing the #MeToo movement into the realm of cosplay, maybe? We get this report of a possible harassment interlude that took place during a football game between the Syracuse Orangemen and the visiting Miami Hurricanes. It feels serious, given the use of “accuses” to describe this interlude.

Ashley Wenskoski, a sports anchor and reporter for CNY Central, called out the Hurricanes’ mascot, Sebastian, for hitting on her during the Orange’s 42-38 upset win at the Carrier Dome on Saturday. The mascot didn’t have much luck either and got publicly outed in the process. Fans jumped to her defense, while taking some shots at Miami in the process.

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Mascots behaving with antics on the sideline or a serious case of sexual harassment? We are not sure, nor are we secure about the “publicly outed” aspect, given we only know of the mascot by name, not who resides in the furry getup.

The NY Post Brass Medal for Distinguished Headline Writing