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LONDON — A recent poll conducted by the University of Oxford just revealed that “Allahu Akbar” has officially replaced “Cheerio, mate!” as the most popular greeting in the UK.

The results of the survey show “Allahu Akbar” beating out “Cheerio mate” in what experts are calling a “flippin’ landslide, old bean.”

“It’s not really that surprising, what what?” said Baxter Edwin Bartleby III, a senior pollster. “Just reflects the social and cultural makeup of the jolly old Realm now, dunnit? Quite. ‘Pon my Sam, I didn’t b’leeve my peepers when I first took a goggle at the results, but it’s right sensible once you think about it for a minute, innit? I use it all the time, myself. Deuced bad habit, I know — cultural appropriation and all that — but I guess it’s our culture now, so that makes it better? Rather.”

Bartleby was then stabbed repeatedly by a Libyan immigrant shouting “Allahu Akbar.”

According to British pollsters, “Oi, wot-wot old cheese” is now the third most popular salutation in the UK, contrary to the popular American opinion that all good Englishmen say “G’day, Guvn’r!”

At publishing time, French linguistic research had shown that “Allahu Akbar” had also won out there over “Oui-oui mon frérè haû-hâù-háü!!”

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