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ZOAR — In an attempt to help her find a homeopathic solution to her excessive sodium levels, local patriarch Lot suggested to his salt pillar wife that she should start drinking more water.

Close friends of Lot’s family said his wife began experiencing severe physical issues shortly after the family escaped from the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, where they had previously lived, with the popular opinion tracing her ailments to the fact that she had been transformed into a pillar of salt.

“Babe, maybe it would help if you stayed more hydrated,” Lot reportedly told his wife. “You’d probably feel a lot better and wouldn’t be dealing with all of this discomfort every day. They’ve done a lot of studies about this. Everyone says you need a certain amount of water for your body to function properly. At least just think about it, sweetheart.”

Sources said Lot’s wife did not immediately respond to his suggestion, instead choosing to sit silently. “She doesn’t say much these days,” one family friend explained. “Ever since the ‘Sodom incident’ as we call it, she hasn’t been the same. She’s quiet, lethargic. It’s probably being so dehydrated. Lot usually just asks one of us to help him carry her to another tent. I have to admit, I do agree that drinking more water would probably go a long way toward making her feel better. She’s being pretty stubborn about the whole thing.”

At publishing time, Lot was researching home remedies that might help his daughters get the smell of sulfur and brimstone out of their hair.

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