Kim Kardashian Channels Princess Diana, Justin Jefferson Shows Off $1 Million Chain & A Timeline Cleanse

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It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for, y’all… the first College Football Playoff rankings are released tonight!

I know, I know. Everyone on Twitter / X has already made that joke. But guys, I’m actually excited. The Miami Dolphins may have completely robbed me of my will to live, but my Tennessee Volunteers are hanging right in there. My hopes and dreams lie completely in the hands of Josh Heupel and Nico Iamaleava.

So if the whole world comes crashing down tonight, at least I have a college football team (probably) in the preliminary rankings for the Playoff. And I think that’s really beautiful.

That said, I’m really hoping the world doesn’t come crashing down. I’m hoping we get a repeat of 2016 and that tomorrow’s Screencaps and Nightcaps will be full of Diddy party celebrities having mental breakdowns on TikTok while they threaten to leave the country.

But I have a bottle of wine ready, regardless.

It’s 4 p.m. on Election Night. Grab a strong cocktail, and get ready to tune in while boss-man Clay Travis livestreams from Kid Rock’s Honky Tonk. But before that, it’s Nightcaps time!

We’re Not ONLY Voting For President…

When you cast your ballot today (or when you cast it last week if you’re super on top of things and voted early like I did), you’re not just choosing Donald Trump or Kamala Harris or some random third-party candidate. No, no, you’re also selecting your representatives in Congress, your local government, and — in some states — the county coroner.

Yes, the guy who checks out all the dead bodies in your town might be an elected official. I learned this on TikTok.

Forgive my ignorance (and the ignorance of the fella in the video up there), but I have some to find out through my e̶x̶t̶e̶n̶s̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶ quick Google search that the coroner is not the guy who actually digs into the dead body. That’s the medical examiner’s job, and they are different people. If you already knew that and think that I’m an idiot, just keep that thought to yourself.

But the story of how coroners became elected (as opposed to appointed) officials is actually fascinating. And if you don’t think this is fascinating, you can keep that thought to yourself, too.

Apparently, the coroner system dates all the way back to 910 AD and Alfred the Great. English kings appointed a coroner to watch over the sheriff and judges, to look into all deaths, and to make sure death taxes were paid to the king. (Talk about taxation without representation… You’re dead — your lifeless corpse covered in bubonic plague sores — and here comes the king to go digging through your pockets.) 

Sounds like something the Democrats would do now. Except they’d also fill out a ballot for you while they were at it.

(For legal reasons, that was a joke.)

Anyway, colonists brought the practice to the now-United States and decided instead to make the coroner an elected official instead. Because f*ck you, King Jerkface, this is a democracy!

Sorry not sorry for the history lesson. Here’s an interesting interview Theo Von once did with a coroner:

So to recap: choose carefully when you elect your county coroner. Because this dude is going to judge the absolute hell out of you when you die.

Justin Jefferson’s Chain Is Worth HOW Much?

You know who’s not concerned about the plight of the working middle class today — aside from the aforementioned celebrities lecturing us from the stage at a Kamala Harris rally? Justin Joshua Jefferson.

The Minnesota Vikings wide receiver was seen this weekend rocking the sparkiest diamond chain my eyeballs have ever seen during Sunday night’s game against the Indianapolis Colts.

Some reporter who has way more time on their hands than I do tracked down the specifics of this particular piece of jewelry, and it’s either going to amaze you or piss you off. Or both.

Reportedly, this necklace is worth a cool $1 MILLION. It was crafted by Leo Frost — a jeweler to the stars, I’m told — and contains 37 VVS diamonds. Not that this sort of wild spending is anything new for Justin. In July, he debuted his $200-thousand diamond grill. Imagine putting 15 carats in your mouth just because you can.

When asked about whether he was worried about damaging the necklace during the game, Jefferson reportedly responded, “I’ve got insurance.”

Respectfully, Justin, I have insurance on my 2018 GMC Terrain, too, but I’m not going to light it on fire and roll it down a hill just to see what happens, either. 

This reminds me of a story from 2010 (digging deep in the old noggin archives here) when former Miami Dolphins defensive end Kendall Langford lost his $50,000 earring during practice, and the whole team was out there searching for it for hours.

Oh, you don’t have any idea who Kendall Langford is? I only remember him because of this story. What a legacy.

Anyway, he never found the earring, and I’d bet the title on my 2018 Terrain that some grounds crew guy scooped it up, realized he was holding more than his yearly paycheck in his hand and put that sucker right in his pocket.

All of that to say I just don’t understand why you’d wear these stupidly expensive diamonds during practice or during a game. Who are you trying to impress — all the other millionaires who also have expensive jewelry?

Hell, I don’t even wear my wedding ring on vacation or to the gym or anywhere there’s even a remote chance something might happen to it. Then again, I didn’t just sign a $140-million contract extension like Justin Jefferson did, so what do I know?

And hey, as long as he keeps scoring me 25+ fantasy points a game, he can wear whatever he wants. 

Kim Kardashian Is Grave Robbing Again

Excuse me, grave robbing isn’t the preferred term. It’s “archival fashion.” Or in other words, How can I exploit the memory of the deceased to bring attention to myself?

Over the weekend, Kim showed up to the 2024 LACMA Art + Film Gala (yeah, I don’t know what it is either) wearing an iconic cross necklace that used to belong to Princess Diana. So as not to be upstaged by the Princess, though, Kim made sure to shorten the chain just so that the very large pendant would be nestled perfectly between her big fake boobs.

I’m sure Diana would be honored.

Now listen, I respect the First Amendment and boobs as much as any good OutKick employee. But something about shoving the Lord’s crucifix between your knockers while channeling the memory of the untimely and tragic death of a beautiful princess just feels a little… gross.

Of course, this isn’t the first time she’s tried to steal a dead woman’s thunder. In 2022, Kim and her mom bullied the Ripley’s museum into letting her wear Marilyn Monroe’s gown to the Met Gala — the same gown Marilyn wore to sing “Happy Birthday” to President John F. Kennedy in 1962. (And we know how that turned out.)

Fashion historians and conservators were irate that Kim wore and caused damage to the historic garment.

Anyway, apparently Kim bought the late princess’s “Attallah Cross” at auction for $197,453 last year. And she was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to make it all about her.

Also, I was REALLY trying to figure out what her hairdo reminded me of, and it finally hit me:

Leave it to Kim K. to honor the memory of both Princess Diana and Squiggy (David Lander) at the same time. Truly a fashion icon.

Heartwarming Timeline Cleanse

Tired of all this election coverage? Your candidate isn’t doing well in the early results? I’ve compiled for you some heartwarming content to make you forget — if only for a moment — about the fate of our country.

Little girl makes a friendship bracelet for Lamar Jackson:

This good boy (or good girl) finished the New York City Marathon:

Speaking of dogs, this dog uses one blanket and one blanket only:

This young fan gets a new horse trailer, thanks to Lainey Wilson. And listen to the way she talks about her dad:

“Bark in the Park” is a bad day to be a mascot:

And if this thing REALLY doesn’t turn out how we want it to tonight, this guy has the best solution:

Hopefully, you’ll be able to send that to your Kamala voter friends to help them heal their sadness tomorrow.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.