Here's What We Can Look Forward to in a Second Trump Term

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For the moment — hell, maybe for the next couple of months — a second Donald Trump administration remains a completely hypothetical thing. But since there’s little to do right now but find a way to pass the time while we await the results, let us ponder together what Trump 47 might bring.

According to Cimmerian experts, the most immediate benefit of Trump 47 could be felt as early as election night, assuming a decisive victory. That’s because those experts agree that what is best in life is to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.

Trump’s Day One agenda includes ordering a cruise missile strike on the TV studio where they record “The View.” It is safe to presume, based on the host’s well-informed panic, that the strike will take place while they’re recording and that the collateral damage will be significant.

Joy Behar whines that “MAGA supporters” don’t believe them when they claim Trump is going to be a “dictator” and use the “air forces, or whatever we have” to bomb The View cast:
“He wants to punish people who disagree with him, people like us.” pic.twitter.com/k4H3d7GOCn

— Nicholas Fondacaro (@NickFondacaro) October 15, 2024

Personally, I’m hoping our Trumpian New Air Force goes with something thermobaric. Nuclear seems a bit much but, if that’s what POTUS-for-life wants, then that’s what POTUS-for-life gets.

“POTUS-for-life,” you ask, “can he really do that?”

What more trusted news source is there than Oprah Winfrey?

Oprah just now with a straight face:

“If we don’t show up tomorrow, it is entirely possible that we will not have the opportunity to ever cast a ballot again.” pic.twitter.com/4Wdlv71L8m

— Link Lauren (@itslinklauren) November 5, 2024

Voting is on the ballot… or something.

Another thing we’ll be rid of during Trump 47 is those uppity women — you know, the strong, intelligent ones who adore Mark Cuban so much.

Pretty wild that Rachel Maddow would say this pic.twitter.com/DPiT3C4vEf

— Siraj Hashmi (@SirajAHashmi) October 31, 2024

Imagine, at long last, trading in that dull, withering Kayleigh McEnany…

…for more strong, intelligent women like Trigglypuff.

The GOP White House transition team is at least reasonably certain Trigglypuff is a woman and is also reconsidering the use of the word “transition.”

Trump will also put an end to those nasty mixed marriages like the one between [check notes] um… JD and Usha Vance.

Whoopi thinks mixed race couples will be reassigned a white spouse while the other is deported? What a dumb@ss!! 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/KvqmrULJ2h

— leslie (@leslie59904273) October 30, 2024

On a longer timeline, you can also look forward to actual history being taught again as presidential “historian” Michael Beschloss’s entire oeuvre is memory-holed and he is legally strictured from ever writing again. That’s according to Beschloss, himself, who seems awfully serene for a man about to be stricken from every library and bookstore.

Morning Joe: Once elected, Trump could ban historians from writing books, creating a “dictatorship” like “Italy in the 1920s & 1930s, Germany in the 1930s.” pic.twitter.com/ehA0ky31fJ

— Tom Elliott (@tomselliott) November 5, 2024

So we’ve got that going for us. Which is nice.

No one is able to list the number of celebrities who will flee the country if Trump is elected, but he swears to God he’ll bomb any wall Canada puts up to keep them out.

Plus: camp!