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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the electoral clock ticking down, the Harris campaign called President Joe Biden to ask him to please, please head to Antarctica.

According to staffers close to Kamala Harris, Biden’s presidential presence at Anvers Island, Antarctica could be decisive in the final week of the election season.

“It is absolutely essential that you be in Antarctica,” Kamala reportedly told Biden as handlers bundled him on to Air Force One. “Whatever you do, do not come back and do not answer the phone until November 6th. The penguins, Joe, you’ve got to deliver the penguins!”

In order to not take any chances, the Kamala campaign has deployed military resources to build a bunker in Antarctica that will block all cell signal. Despite the unusual nature of the request, President Biden was excited to get back on the campaign trail. “Joe is back!” declared Biden as he stepped onto the frozen tundra. “Let’s show Kamala what we can do!”

At publishing time, the Harris campaign had asked Joe to perhaps stay at Anvers Island for several weeks after Election Day, just to be safe.

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