Why I’d Never Accept a Job Doing PR for Donald Trump

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Sometimes, even before I write something, I just know I’m gonna get blasted for it. But sometimes, I’ve gotta do it anyway — and, alas, this is one of those times [clears throat]: “I’d never accept a job doing PR for Donald Trump.”

Okay, lemme have it: “HE’D NEVER ASK YOU, PINSKER!! GET YOUR HEAD OUTA YOUR [BUTT] AND STOP PRETENDING TO BE SO FREAKING IMPORTANT!! (And besides, we’ve read your columns: You’re barely even qualified to do this!)”

Fair enough. (But in my defense, Trump has definitely hired folks waaay worse than I am, so just channeling my inner Lloyd Christmas: “So you’re telling me there’s a chance. …YEAH!”)

 Before Trump ran for office in 2016, I worked for a guy who (briefly) ran his marketing. This guy had previously worked in Nevada, where he handled the marketing for one of the premier casinos on the Vegas Strip (a famous one with tons of concerts, prizefights, etc.) before joining Trump on the East Coast. He had only been working with Trump for a few months when he accompanied him on a business trip to South America.

At the time, Trump wasn’t a political figure; he was “just” a celebrity businessman, a luxury real estate developer, and a TV star. Still, Trump’s arrival was huge news in this country. Everywhere he went, he was stalked by a parade of cameras. Everyone was jostling to cover Trump; everyone was fighting for an exclusive story.

While they were driving through the countryside, Trump suddenly ordered his limo to stop. He jumped out and began pointing at this beautiful spot within the lush wilderness: The view was spectacular.

Next, Trump held an impromptu press conference: This will be the spot of the next Trump Casino! Look how gorgeous it is! It won’t be an ordinary, run-of-the-mill three-star, four-star, or even a five-star property — no sirree, this will be SIX or SEVEN stars! In fact, this property will be so revolutionary, they’ll have to invent a brand-new star system for it!

Trump’s new marketing guy was furiously jotting all this down in his notepad because when the boss speaks, you better pay close attention. (And Trump went into vivid detail about what the property would look like, where the entrance would be, how many employees would work there, etc. Lots of important info to capture!)

Eventually, they returned to the limo. Trump seemed content.

His new marketing guy asked a follow-up question about this amazing new seven-star casino they were gonna be building. Trump looked at him like he had 17 heads: Dude! We’re not actually building a casino there! Don’tcha know media schtick when you hear it?!

When Trump is loose and having fun, there’s nobody better at leveraging media attention. Nobody! He’s a grandmaster at the craft; his instincts are absolutely uncanny.

Mostly because he knows who he is and he’s comfortable in his own skin. Genuine authenticity and knowing who you are is an unbeatable one-two punch in PR.

Listening to someone like me would diminish his authenticity.

Instead, it would (potentially) turn him into someone like Kamala Harris: An overly-programmed candidate who’s as authentic as Tom Brady’s teeth and hair. There’s not a genuine bone in her body.

Here we are in the closing days of the 2024 election, and we still don’t know who the hell Kamala Harris really is!

As for Trump?

He’s closing the election with a flurry of his best media stunts: There he is at McDonald’s, flipping burgers and working the drive-thru window! He’s wearing a construction vest and driving a garbage truck! He’s palling around with Joe Rogan (and racking up gazillions of views). He’s even throwing a star-studded celebration in the heart of the liberal lion’s den, Madison Square Garden!

And each time he does it, he sucks a little more of the oxygen out of the room.

Trump wins by being Trump. And nobody knows Trump better than Trump.

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