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We’re going to dispense with all the usual puns here — grate, block, gouda, all of them — and just let you appreciate how crazy a heist this really was:

London-based retailer and cheesemaker Neal’s Yard Dairy announced last week that it had been the ‘victim of a sophisticated fraud resulting in the loss of over £300,000 worth of clothbound Cheddar’ — the equivalent of more than $389,000.

‘The theft involved a fraudulent buyer posing as a legitimate wholesale distributor for a major French retailer, with the cheese delivered before the discovery of the fraudulent identity,’ the company said.

As an aside, I’d love to know how you have to disguise yourself to appear as a “wholesale distributor for a major French retailer.”

I guess it worked! The crooks made off with “950 wheels — over 22 metric tons, or roughly 48,500 pounds — of Hafod, Westcombe and Pitchfork cheddar.”

The cheeses “have won numerous awards and are amongst the most sought-after artisan cheeses in the U.K.,” and as such the “high monetary value of these cheeses likely made them a particular target for the thieves.”

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, meanwhile, noted that, technically, “real” cheddar is only made by a few cheesemakers in the world, namely the ones who got ripped off by this latest scam:

‘This will slow Neal’s Yard being able to support all of their cheesemakers over the next five years, I would imagine,’ Oliver said.

If you’re a fan of authentic English cheddar, I’d suggest getting to the store ASAP.

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