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EARTH — Staring out into the floodwaters, Noah’s wife Emzara reported feeling a sinking sensation that she might have left the stove on when she boarded the ark.

“Oh, shoot. I got the kids on board and herded every animal I could, but I can’t remember if I turned off the stew,” said Emzara, mere moments after the Ark was sealed. “One minute you’re shouting at the llamas to quit spitting on the chickens, and the next, you’re like, did I blow out the fire under that lentil stew? Ugh, I just can’t remember.”

According to sources, Emzara then asked Noah if he could turn the Ark around so she could go back and check, just for peace of mind. Noah, remaining calm, reportedly assured her that a worldwide deluge would likely address any fire hazard issues. “Babe, you always do this when we’re on a big trip,” said Noah. “I really think it’s going to be okay.”

At publishing time, Emzara’s anxiety had shifted from the stove to a growing suspicion that she may have also left the front gate open, allowing all their livestock to wander off.


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