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GARY, IN — Sources close to local man Caleb Norbert reported that the 43-year-old husband and father had tragically slipped into a deep depression after realizing he had run out of things to pressure-wash.

According to Caleb’s wife, Ann Norbert, her husband had “been on cloud nine” ever since brought home his Simpson CM61083 “Clean Machine” 3400-PSI gas-powered pressure washer, but eventually became despondent after he ran out of things to use it on.

“It started slow, with stuff like the deck and the front porch,” Ann said. “After that, things escalated — the kids’ playhouse, the minivan, the neighbor’s cat. He did all of our gutters… the windows… the vinyl siding on the house… and the foundation. He seemed kinda dazed after he realized that there wasn’t anything left to clean with it, though. I even had to stop him from trying to help with the kids’ bathtimes last night. I’m doing my best to cheer him up, but nothing seems to be working.”

Caleb was unavailable to comment, as he was staring mournfully at a squeaky-clean house, lawn, and driveway and wishing that he had something — anything — to pressure wash.

At publishing time, Caleb had been cheered up after his wife purchased him a new leafblower but quickly saddened after realizing the leaves had not yet fallen from the trees in the family’s yard.

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