The Ultimate Guide On Identifying A 'Basic' Girl

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Ponytail. Over-sized sweatshirt. Black yoga pants. Sandals. Drives a Corolla. Water bottle with work logo. Three-year-old iPhone.

That’s the email response I got from reader Boring Norm when I asked y’all to send me some of the things YOU think make a woman “basic” — in other words, unoriginal, predictable and mainstream. And I regret to inform you that, based on this particular definition, I am as basic as they come …minus the Corolla.

But hey, if being comfy, hydrated and the proud owner of a busted-up (but still perfectly functional) old smartphone makes me boring and predictable, then I’m OK with that.

After all, we’re all a little basic, aren’t we? Not one of us is completely original and unique in everything that we wear, do, say or enjoy. And while we pumpkin-spice-latte-loving women are usually the butt of the jokes, you men are not exempt from the phenomenon of “basic-ness,” either.

So I thought it would be fun to consult with readers on the most basic tendencies of both men AND women. And, as always, the list we compiled is pretty spot-on.

Let’s all laugh at ourselves together.

How To Spot A Basic Girl

I know the colloquial term here is “basic bitch,” but since my audience is primarily male, I’ll refrain from using that word. Similar to another slur (which I will never say), the “b-word” is something we women are allowed to use with each other. Men, however, better not.

Now, without further ado, let’s get to our handy guide on how to spot a “basic” female.

Stanley Cups

Several people — men and women — mentioned those gigantic $45 tumblers with handles as a telltale sign of a basic woman. And they have certainly gotten out of hand. Earlier this summer we saw grown people fighting each other in Target stores for the limited-edition pink Stanleys.

And TikTok influencers are now posting “get ready with me” videos, where they “pack” their Stanley cup for the day. Did you know they make storage clip-ons, snack trays and even miniature backpacks to accessorize these tumblers?

This is insane behavior, and there’s no defense for it. However, I do think women just love cute drinking receptacles of all kinds. For a while there, everyone wanted a Yeti, and travel mugs from Starbucks had their moment in the sun, too.

I, personally, am a sucker for a good coffee mug. That said, I’m not going to give it its own backpack.

Flavored Coffees

Jason R. writes: I live a good bit away from most of my family, so I have the pleasure of staying at my sister’s place during visits and holidays. When I go to the kitchen to brew my morning coffee (sue me… I can’t function without it), all I find are stacks of K-cups …pumpkin, hazelnut, french vanilla, chocolate mocha, apple cider, Christmas morning blend (wtf?)… I say, “Where’s the GD coffee-flavored coffee?” She says they do taste like coffee. They do not. I bring my own coffee now.

And this is why Starbucks brings in $36 billion a year. Chicks love a festive pick-me-up with three times our daily sugar allowance.

Seasonal Candles / Soaps

Tyler B writes: I made the mistake once of replacing the hand soap in the guest bathroom once. ONLY ONCE. It ran out, so I replaced it with another full one that I found in the linen closet. I thought I was being helpful until my wife wanted to know which idiot set out the “coconut colada” hand soap in January. I’ve since been informed that’s a warm weather soap?

I would like to apologize to you, Tyler, on behalf of millennial women everywhere. We grew up obsessed with Bath & Body Works. We carried candy apple hand sanitizer in our pencil cases decades before COVID made it cool.

And now, we still can’t resist a good 5 for $20 sale. I won’t out them, but I have more than a few friends and family members with stockpiles of B&BW hand soaps and candles in their linen closets just waiting for the perfect season. And yeah, “coconut colada” is absolutely a summer soap.

Next January, maybe go for “warm vanilla sugar” or “champagne toast.”

Listens To Top-40 Music

This was a popular one, so someone get Taylor Swift, Sabrina Carpenter or Chappell Roan on the line to perform the basic girl anthem.

Although I’d be willing to bet most of the men criticizing them also listen to Morgan Wallen, who is very much the male country equivalent of a basic pop princess.

Watches “Girly Shows”

This one is probably self-explanatory, but, ladies, just know that if you watch The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Real Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy or anything similar, you have been called out.

Now excuse me while I go tell my husband what a basic bitch he is for watching every season of 90 Day Fiancé with me.

Drinks The Most Popular Drinks

Nate D. writes: As a bartender, I can make this real simple for you… Basic bitches drink chardonnay, mimosas, vodka crans & Titos sodas. Espresso martinis and Aperol spritzes are getting trendy now, too.

As a former bartender, I can attest to this as well. It’s remarkable how many women really don’t know what they want (or like) to drink, so they just order whatever they hear or see other women ordering. And once one person orders an espresso martini, a cosmo or an aperol spritz, you might as well get ready to make enough for the whole bar.

That’s why I really like to wow ’em at the old watering hole when I plop down and ask for a Miller Lite bottle and a shot of Beam.

Corny Wall Art

Ryan N writes: I hate the cursive wall/counter decorations saying stuff like “welcome,” “peace,” “family,” “joy,” etc.

OK — As I sit here looking at the “home sweet home” sign featuring the outline of the state of Tennessee in my living room, I’m not going to pretend I’ve never been guilty of this. But the cringey word art decor from TJ Maxx / HomeGoods is truly an epidemic that must be stopped.

We don’t need to label every room in our house or inspire our guests with trite motivational quotes. Please just live, laugh, LEAVE this sh*t at the store.

Leggings For Every Occasion

Tim W: Basic ladies wear leggings to the gym, leggings and sweaters in the winter, leggings and tank tops in the summer. I love basic ladies.

You see, leggings aren’t just awe-inducing and comfortable. They are also extremely versatile! So thank you, Tim. We love a man who supports women.

But fellas, now it’s your turn.

Things Basic Dudes Love

Fantasy Football

Paige L. writes: Why does every man I meet on a dating app think I should care about his imaginary football team?

As a woman with an imaginary football team, I have to admit that Paige is entirely correct. We all eventually have to come to the realization that the only person who cares about your fantasy football team is you …and whoever is playing against you that particular week.

Craft Beer

Charli B. writes: There’s no way anyone actually likes IPAs. They just drink them to be cool.

OK, I know we’re supposed to be laughing at the boys here, Charli, but I take this one personally. I do actually enjoy IPAs — although I will admit it was an acquired taste. In my early 20s, I started with fruit beers and my preferences just got more bitter with my personality.

I am old enough to remember, though, when craft breweries were very niche and mostly a hipster thing. Now, there are breweries everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. And my (maybe unpopular) opinion is that the market is over-saturated.

That’s a gripe for another day, though. The point is, basic bros love beer.

Being Obsessed With Internet Memes

Samantha D. writes: I don’t know how to describe it, but I call it “Barstool humor.” Basic dudes who are chronically online, and their sense of humor is just quoting memes and goons from the Internet.

To clarify, I’m sure Samantha is referring only to Barstool here and certainly not to the high-brow humor we bring to the table at OutKick. But I agree with her on this one. Making whatever is trending on the Internet your entire personality is peak bro behavior.

And that’s why I don’t want to hear any of y’all complain about Hawk Tuah girl making stupid amounts of money and getting her own podcast.

Those of you who bought T-shirts and repeated the same damn joke over and over and over again for weeks, you are the reason this is happening. You have no one else to blame.

Cliché Answers On Dating App Profiles

Alison P. writes: Oh you love quoting “The Office” and your most controversial opinion concerns pineapple on pizza? Riveting.

To be fair, I think a lot of women’s profiles look similar, too. The difference is that as long as she’s hot and at least mildly agreeable, men don’t care.

Salt Life Stickers

This one was my husband’s contribution to the list. Few things annoy him more than a dude in northern Illinois wearing flip-flops in December with a “Salt Life” sticker on the back of his truck. As if his one trip a year to Myrtle Beach somehow makes him akin to Jimmy Buffett (RIP).

This sticker is just one basic-bro tell. Back when I was growing up in Indiana, dudes loved the Browning logo. It was on just about every vehicle in my high school parking lot, even though I went to a bougie private school, and maybe 1% of those guys had actually ever gone hunting.

“Basic Bro” Clothing

Several women mentioned untucked button-down shirts, but I think this is really a regional thing. The “basic bro” uniform varies based on which area of the country you’re in.

For example, when I was a student at the University of Tennessee, I would go dry as the Sahara when I’d see a dude in a pastel polo shirt, khakis, boat shoes and Croakies on his sunglasses. That was a basic-as-they-come SEC frat boy, and all he knew how to do was yell “Go Vols,” ask his mom for money and puke after too many Natty Lights.

So there you have it, fellas — all the things that are making you wildly unexceptional. How many of them are you guilty of?

Bring Us Home, Alan:

Do you know what I think is the most “Basic Bitch” thing ever? Running around pointing out everything that is “basic.” (I wish this term would die, in case you could not tell.)

I have a friend whose wife used to do this before I wrote a post on social media with what I just told you. The “everything is soooo basic” crowd reminds me of those hipster morons who hate bands the moment they become “mainstream.” Shouldn’t truly original people like something because they like it and not because it is or is not trendy?

This especially annoys me with food. I cannot imagine anyone loathes pumpkin spice lattes but drinks them because they are trendy. Also, everyone is at least somewhat basic about fashion. If they weren’t, you would see a lot more people wearing sweatpants in the winter. Anyway, rant over.

Amber:

Alan is 1000% right, and I think this is a good note to end on. Because we’re just having fun here.

You like what you like, you don’t what you don’t. And if anyone has a problem with it, just drown them out with the latest Morgan Wallen album.

Let’s open the mailbag.

ON BEDTIMES:

Last week, I wrote about how my husband and I always go to bed at the same time. I believe sharing a sleep schedule — when possible — is important for intimacy. And science agrees.

Dr. Jeffry Larson wrote, “Couples whose wake and sleep patterns were mismatched (e.g., an evening person married to a morning person) reported significantly less marital adjustment, more marital conflict, less time spent in serious conversation, less time spent in shared activities and less frequent sexual intercourse than matched couples.”

READ: Womansplaining Mailbag: Sleep Schedules, Wearing Jeans On Dates, Douchey ‘Masculinity Coaches’ & Chore Lists

Adam D: I agree with you on going to bed together as couples. Maybe since 75% don’t, that is where you find the 50% divorce rate? When my wife and I were first married, we went to bed together every night. Once we had kids, that bed schedule sometimes wasn’t always the same. We have been married for 26 years. We didn’t have a TV in our bedroom until last year. A few years ago, my wife (who is a night owl) would stay up and watch “one” more show because I had to get up earlier than her. What she found was that she was staying up 2 or 3 hours longer than she would normally. She started coming to bed with me again and would sometimes read in bed as I was falling asleep.

Now we have a TV in the room, we are always in bed at the same time. She still might watch one more show before going to sleep, but doesn’t stay up as late. Even though we don’t spoon, just being able to have her next to me with my arm on her hip as I fall asleep helps me feel close to her. Bed together equals more intimacy, more intimacy means stronger love and respect for each other.

Anthony C: My wife and I usually go to bed at different times. It’s pretty uncommon for us to go to bed together, and it’s OK. She usually gets a head start on me because I can fall asleep at will. (Commence snoring, etc.) If I do get up at like 4 a.m., I usually hit the guest bedroom for some quiet time until I get up around 6:30 or so. (She doesn’t usually get up until around 8 or so.) So it works for us.

I don’t think, at this point, I could even suggest going to bed at the same time. (She would be like, “Why?” I would be like, “I don’t know” and that would be the end of it. LMAO)

Chris B: Just an old guy with some non-scientific anecdotal info: We just celebrated our 26th anniversary, and we always go to bed at the same time. Her back isn’t going to scratch itself, and no matter what else, we always kiss goodnight and tell each other that we love each other. I happen to awaken and get up a lot earlier, but that just means the coffee is ready when she comes in. Hope you and the mister feel the same way when you’re old and gray.

Amber:

“Her back isn’t going to scratch itself.” Guys, listen to Chris B. He has discovered our weakness.

ON THE LOOSE SCREWS:

Every wife has been tormented by the tiny, unidentifiable screws/nails/piece of plastic sitting on the kitchen counter for weeks. And like clockwork, as soon as she finally throws it away, her husband suddenly needs this item more than he’s ever needed anything before.

A few readers weighed in:

Tom in Houston: That loose screw / nail / whatever sitting on the kitchen counter is nothing compared to the dozens in the bottom of our toolbox, hundreds in the drawers by our workbench, and / or thousands in our workshop. We know we might need them eventually. We also know the time we will need them will be 1-7 days after we throw them out / lose them. That’s just how it happens. It’s not your fault for throwing it out, it’s simply the nature of those items.

Anthony C: As for the nails or screws on the counter, they are there because we are going to do it (whatever it is) at some point. It’s just a friendly reminder that something needs to be fixed or hung up. Once you put it away and we don’t see it, we panic because it’s not there to remind us to do it.

Rachel T: I started a catch-all basket for my husband… mail, random screws and bolts left around the house, change, etc. I leave it in the garage. Game changer.

Amber:

Rachel, I’m not sure why I never thought of this, but God bless you. I have an empty shoebox, and I’m about to fill it with all the bullets and coins that fall out of my husband’s pants in the dryer. And the socks he leaves on the living room floor.

ON JEANS ON A DATE:

There’s a self-proclaimed “seduction coach” named Stirling Cooper who is repulsed by women who wear jeans on dates. He says that jeans are the “least feminine” thing a woman can wear, and if she shows up to your date wearing jeans, guys, you should just leave immediately.

Tom in Houston: As for women wearing jeans on a date, that dude is crazy. If you’re going to someplace where jeans wouldn’t be appropriate, you should make that clear before the date. Jeans are a great way for women to emphasize one of their finest assets, and should be encouraged. Unless you are going to a wedding or something, jeans are great.

Anthony C: Jeans on a woman looks great. As long as it isn’t the dreaded “Canadian Tuxedo.” if my date shows up in acid washed jeans and matching jacket, I am getting the check. Wow. (Or 1982 Jordache) That’s a hard no.

Amber:

Fellas, genuine question: Does this count as a Canadian tuxedo?