9 Great Investments To Help You Survive A Kamala Harris Administration

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You read the Journal. You follow the stonks. And now you’re wondering how you’ll possibly manage to get through four years of a Kamala Harris administration without going bankrupt.

Well, never fear, for the Bee is here. Forget whatever you read in The White Coat Investor and Millionaire Next Door — we’ve spent literal minutes of our time to thoroughly investigate the markets nowadays and here are our top picks. You’re welcome.

Meme futures: Don’t let anyone know you heard this from us, but they’re going to the moon. SKIBIDI TOILET BUY BUY BUY!!!
Red hot pokers for your eyes: So that you can avoid all of the gay stuff to come.
Cats: They’re already smoking hot right now — people are just eating them up!
Duolingo Chinese: Russian is a close second, but just trust us on this one.
A Premium subscription to the Babylon Bee: You want to keep your sanity, don’t you? Go on — get a subscription.
Working in McDonald’s: You’ll be an essential worker and Tim Walz will let you still work during a pandemic.
Jewish beeper company: Business is booming for these guys.
Cricket farms: You’ll be brilliantly positioned to become a major cricket flour supplier when meat gets outlawed.
Tampons: Hot tip from the White House says Tim Walz goes through these like a squirrel fired out of a potato cannon goes through butter.

Aren’t you glad you’ve got financial experts like the Bee on your side? That’s right…now go on and get that premium subscription — you know you want it!

NOT SATIRE: We live in uncertain times, in the United States, we are already experiencing record-high inflation, and not to mention the national debt has now surpassed $35 TRILLION. While paper dollars are suffering, one must also beware of the emergence of new digital currency, market warnings, and de-dollarization. The ability to protect our savings and hold onto wealth we can pass down gets harder every day. ONLY ONE ASSET has stood the test of time, Gold.

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