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Just because people can vote doesn’t mean they should vote, and frankly there are a lot of clowns out there who don’t belong within a hundred yards of a ballot box. Here are the 9 things that ought to immediately disqualify a person from being allowed to vote:

  1. Cannot drive a stick shift: If you can’t choose a gear, how can you choose a President?

  2. Cannot properly carve a turkey: Learn your way around a bird before you try choosing senators.

  3. Can actually fold a fitted sheet: Clearly such people are warlocks, and we don’t need warlocks voting.

  4. Owns any Taylor swift album past Red, at which point she really shifted away from her country roots in favor of a more pop-oriented sound, expanding her fan base but abandoning the unique amalgamation of sounds and the innocence of adolescence that defined her early discography: Not that we care.

  5. Cannot parallel park: No rear-view cameras allowed!

  6. Got the vaccine in exchange for a donut: These folks can’t be trusted to pump gas, much less choose our country’s leaders.

  7. Can name all of the Spice Girls: That poor, twisted mind.

  8. Ever bought a car during Toyotathon: If they could make a decision that bad, just think how terrible their votes would be.

  9. Is dead: Controversial opinion, we know!

Do you know anyone like this? Go on — stop them before they can get to the polls!

Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into… well, something else entirely.


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