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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the popularity of Senator J.D. Vance’s proposal to raise the child tax credit to $5K per child, Vice President Kamala Harris announced her own proposal to provide a $6K aborted baby tax credit.

Harris revealed the plan after criticizing Vance’s proposal, saying people who choose to kill their unborn children should be rewarded as much, and if not more, than people who joyously welcome their babies into the world to love them.

“It’s time to provide more incentive for people to kill their babies,” Harris said at a campaign rally. “While my opponent’s running mate thinks we should reward people for having children and showing them love, he is refusing to give the same bonus to people who want to viciously dismember babies before they are born. This is unfair. Unfairness is unfair. Being unfair means not being fair. And fairness is the opposite of being unfair.”

While the media and political analysts criticized Vance’s proposal to increase the child tax credit, Harris’s announcement was hailed as another historic step forward for reproductive rights. “Darn straight!” said childless cat lady Eve Gosgrove. “Why should those people who are pumping out babies and giving them loving homes and upbringings be rewarded, and not us? I deserve a tax credit just as much for every clump of cells I heartlessly dispose of! This is progress! Thank you, Kamala!”

At publishing time, the Harris campaign clarified that the aborted baby tax credit would double for anyone who has more than three in one year.

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