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PLANO, TX — According to a new study, most of local man Darren Sorenson’s adult life is spent searching for a tape measure.

“I’ll set it down somewhere and then when I come back for it it’s just gone,” Sorenson said. “I know that’s where I left it…but maybe one of the kids picked it up. Oh wait, there it is in my pocket.”

Sorenson reported spending large chunks of his day in search of his tape measure, which is usually somewhere he’s never ever set it before. “How did it get in the fruit crisper drawer of the fridge…? Oh, that’s right, I was measuring the shelves for some reason. Now it’s missing again, where on earth did I set that? Honey! Have you seen my… ope, never mind, it was in the mailbox.”

Sorenson’s wife Hailey explained she occasionally finds the tape measure lying around and will put it back in her husband’s toolbox, a place he apparently never thinks to check.

“Whenever I find it on the ground or wherever I also put it back where goes,” Hailey said. “Darren told me not to do that because he never thinks about checking in his toolbox. I saw him looking on the roof last week.”

At publishing time, Sorensen had lost his tape measure, found it, lost it again, found it again, lost his stud finder, found that in the kids’ toy box, lost his flathead screwdriver, found that in his wife’s makeup bag, and lost his drill before finding that down the street in his neighbor’s garage.

Watch how a D.E.I. consultant magically turns a video game into… well, something else entirely.


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