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CHICAGO, IL — Baseball fans around the United States were completely unaffected yesterday after Major League Baseball revealed that the Chicago White Sox will be preemptively eliminated from the playoffs for the next fifty seasons.

According to Rob Manfred, the current Commissioner of Baseball for MLB, the decision to remove the White Sox from the playoffs for the next fifty years was a no-brainer.

“This is an unprecedented decision, but I know it’s the right one,” Manfred said, thumbing through the stats on the White Sox’s 63-game losing streak. “With a record like theirs, we can’t in good conscience allow the White Sox anywhere near the playoffs for the next half-century. We can come back and reevaluate in a few decades — especially if they manage to get a win in that time — but for now, it just seems best for everyone if we acknowledge that they’re not gonna be in the playoffs for the foreseeable future.”

Both White Sox fans were reportedly stunned by the decision.

“What?” asked Windy O’Malley, a Chicago native and 2022 Underdog Fan of the Year Nominee. “But…but…we almost had a double a few games ago! How can they do this to us? We were scheduled to play the Royals, too!”

At publishing time, the White Sox had been eliminated from the playoffs for an additional ten years after losing to the Royals in a shut-out. O’Malley has been nominated for the Underdog Fan of the Century.

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