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TEHRAN — The FBI confirmed this morning that Ismail Haniyeh, the political leader of Hamas and mastermind of the October 7th terrorist attacks on Israel, fell down after loud popping noises occurred in his immediate vicinity.

Analysts say that the loud popping noises which seemed to have contributed to the terrorist leader’s sudden fall may have been potentially related to a predawn flyover of the Iranian capitol by several fighter jets with a blue Star of David painted on their fuselages, but that it is too early to determine whether there is any significant connection at this point.

“Everyone attending the inauguration of the Iranian president was milling around being super peaceful, talking about all sorts of peaceful things,” reported Bart Lodge, FBI spokesman. “Bystanders then reported several popping noises — almost like someone popping a packet of bubble wrap — and Ismail Haniyeh seemed to stumble a little bit and then fall down. We are still collecting information and hope to have an answer in a few decades.”

Sources within Hamas have confirmed that the terrorist leader was in fact dead and in many, many pieces. Several media sources including The Washington Post have mourned the passing of another “austere religious scholar” who died needlessly at the hands of those violent Israelis.

At publishing time, reports from Lebanon confirmed that Fuad Shukr, a Hezebollah leader who was involved in the 1983 Marine Corps bombing in Lebanon, had also mysteriously fallen down after several noisy popping sounds.

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