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John Gall says that he’s getting used to the sound of crunching metal at his house after the city of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, removed a guardrail on the street in front of his yard.

Three cars have crashed into his house over the past decade, destroying his garage, his truck, and his kitchen. That’s not counting all the cars that end up wrecked on his lawn.

His house is located at the front of a T intersection, and instead of turning, people keep going straight.

One of those crashes occurred during a police chase, and a car going 74 miles per hour crashed into his kitchen.

‘Suddenly, the whole house explodes on both sides. Everything was just vaporized,’ Gall, 60, recounted recently in his kitchen. ‘Insulation was flying in the air. Mud all over. A ton of noise. There was a car in the kitchen — that’s how I woke up.

‘I remember saying, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” with my hands up out the side” of the house,’ he recalled. He stuck his hands up. ‘And they were all out in the front yard with guns drawn, ready to blow someone away.’

Needless to say, he’s getting tired of people using his living room like a parking garage. He wants the city to put the guardrail back up, and things are becoming desperate for Gall.

‘I can’t get homeowners insurance … I currently have insurance, but they jacked the rates, and if I have one more claim, I’m being dropped,’ he says. ‘I pursued other insurance companies … nobody will touch me.’

The city says their engineers advised against a guardrail in that location, despite there previously having been one. However, they did drop two giant boulders on his lawn, which caught two cars in a single weekend in 2023.

Gall isn’t happy with the boulders either. Who wants to spend their time picking up car debris out of the yard every weekend? He wants the guardrail back.

In response, the City of Cleveland noted it was a tough situation. ‘We sympathize enormously with Mr. Gall,’ stated Mike Thomas, the Cleveland Heights communications director. ‘Having the threat of cars running into your house, I mean, that has to be pretty difficult to live with.’

So, they’ve offered to buy Gall’s house for a “fair” market value, which everyone familiar with eminent domain knows means sub-market value.

‘I’ve lived here for 27 years, the house is paid for, I’ve put in all kinds of improvements. Suddenly it’s a hazard and I have to move, and they just offer me fair value. They failed to address the actual issue and they’ve done it for years. I’m just sick of it and I’m not going to roll over.’

‘They offered fair market value … well, I don’t have a mortgage, the house is paid off. What can I buy where I won’t have to pay that’s comparable to where I’m currently living?’

I mean, he could buy a place that’s not getting smooshed by cars, but I get it. It’s his home.

‘I’ve lived in Cleveland Heights for 40 years,’ Gall said, walking around his garden out back. He pointed out barrels of picked blueberries, his pottery kiln in the basement. ‘I’m a homeowner. I’m a voter. I’m a taxpayer, I’ve made it a home. It’s paid off.’

‘It’s the American dream, dude. You know, I’ve achieved it here in my little slice of heaven. And their solution to my problem is what? To get rid of me?’

Gall is fighting the city in court to keep his house and get a guardrail installed, so the city can clean up the mess of crashed cars on the streets, instead of in his yard.

Of course, the other alternative is that Cleveland drivers could just DRIVE BETTER.

(You know who you are.)

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