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WASHINGTON, D.C. — With his old hair starting to wear out, House Speaker Mike Johnson called the LEGO company to order a new set of hair today.

While Johnson has been pleased with the current set of hair, the piece has accumulated scratches and was beginning to rotate too easily on his head.

“Yes, standard size,” said Johnson as he spoke to a LEGO representative. “I’ll go ahead and order two, so I can have a spare. No, I think I’ll keep my current pants, they’re doing fine. Have you made a LEGO gavel, by the way?”

According to sources, no one has ever seen Johnson switch out his hair, but fellow representatives are hoping to witness the event. “He’s got the different LEGO mouths he uses when he’s sitting behind Kamala, those are great,” said Representative Chip Roy. “I’ve caught his hair spinning a couple of times, but I’d love to see it just pop off his head. What a sight, you know?”

At publishing time, disaster had struck after LEGO accidentally shipped Johnson a set of tall spiky hair.

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