Belgium Just Had To Tell People Not To Eat Their Christmas Trees

Before Christmas, I ruffled some feathers in The Gripe Report: Very Merry Christmas Edition (which some have said was the best Christmas special in the 10-month or so history of The Gripe Report) by announcing my affinity for fake trees and disdain for the real McCoy.

At no time of year do I sound more like a genius than right now, when Team Real Tree is trying to figure out what the hell they’re supposed to do with an entire tree?

Meanwhile, I’m kicking back with my fingers laced behind my head while my fake tree has been in the closet since my fiancée packed it away (I supervised) just a few days after Christmas.

Well, in Belgium, they’re having the same dilemma and now that nation’s food agency is having to remind people that chowing down on pine needles isn’t the best idea.

It’s a weird thing to have to tell people — if Christmas trees were good eatin’ it would be common knowledge — but according to The New York Times they had to say something and it was all thanks to the City of Ghent.

That city was doing its part to fight the scourge of Christmas tree waste by telling citizens to make some “delicious spruce needle butter.”

I assume that means throwing some needles in some butter and making compound butter, but that sounds horrendous unless your idea of delicious is a car air freshener.

“It’s a breeze,” the city’ said. “That way your Christmas tree is not 100 percent waste.”

Belgium’s food agency had to remind people that eating their Christmas trees is a bad idea. (Getty Images)

Here’s the problem: some evergreen trees are poisonous and unless the entire population of Ghent is well-versed in identifying them, that could be a real problem.

Plus, there could be pesticides or flame-retarding agents on the trees.

It’s a terrible idea — one that the folks in Ghent tried to blame on Scandinavians who have been “doing it for a long time,” which also turned out to not be accurate — and Belgium’s food agency swooped in to put an end to it.

“Christmas trees are not intended to end up in the food chain,” agency spokeswoman Hélène Bonte said in a statement.

So, if you were thinking about going the Ghent route, maybe just toss your tree in a bond fire or take it to the local green waste dumpster instead.