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Good afternoon, fellow frozen people.

I’ll be honest: Whenever I see news of dangerous winter storms sweeping the country, I usually don’t pay a lot of attention. Mostly because I live in Tennessee, and we rarely get enough snow to even leave a footprint.

Even this time, as I heard warnings of a “Polar Vortex,” I was skeptical. I checked my local forecast to see highs in the 30s, lows in the teens. That cold, no doubt, but not really out of the ordinary for January in middle Tennessee. Fake news, I thought.

But yesterday at about 6 a.m. — as I stepped outside with my dog for her morning pee — I ate my words when a gust of arctic wind smacked me right in the face and took my breath away.

I checked my weather app. It said, “Current temperature: 25. Feels like: 7.”

Or, more accurately:

I know, I know… we don’t even have the worst of it. You folks up north (and, apparently, Dallas soon) are blanketed in snow and ice, according to my TV. And since I don’t have a work commute, I am largely unaffected by the winter weather. (Although I did have to bundle up pretty good on my way to Pilates this morning.)

But hey, Mother Nature can be a real b*tch, and there’s nothing we can do about it. So we might as well hunker down, put on our warm cozies, heat up some soup and make the best of things.

Like this panda:

And this guy:

You know what warms you up from the inside out? Whiskey. Grab some and get comfy. It’s Nightcaps time!

Brittany Mahomes Whips Up Some Snow Cones

One person who is not fazed by this so-called Polar Vortex is everyone’s favorite MAGA WAG, Brittany Mahomes.

According to the fine folks at Fox Weather, Kansas City got a whopping 11 inches of snow on Sunday — the fourth-largest single-day snowfall in the city’s history. So while Patrick spent most of the weekend waiting for the Chiefs’ charter plane to take off for Denver, Britt headed to the backyard to frolic in the fluff with their little ones.

Their kids’ names are Sterling (3) and Bronze (2), by the way. What a name: BRONZE Mahomes. 

Anyway, after the kids thawed out in the house, Brittany made them a little treat: “Real snow cones!!!” Brittany posted these photos of her frosty creation on her Instagram story:

(Instagram: @brittanylynne)

(Instagram: @brittanylynne)

I just have one question: Britt, baby, WTF is this? 

The one in the pink bowl looks like it’s slopped with blue food coloring and mayonnaise. (And, frankly, if this were the Will Levis household, I would be concerned.) Now, I’m sure that white drizzle is not mayo… maybe it’s icing or something? Regardless, nothing about this concoction seems appetizing.

Now, full disclosure, I’m a certified snow cone hater. Even when I was a child, I just never understood the appeal of chipped ice and syrup. Just eat ice cream, you lunatics.

This does remind me, though, of that time (just about a year ago, actually) that Reese Witherspoon made snow lattes and posted a video to her TikTok account.

Reese has since deleted the original video thanks to the relentless killjoys in the comments, who used the fun video as an opportunity to lecture the actress about PoLluTaNtS and CoNtAmiNaNtS! Apparently, health experts do not recommend eating snow. But I’m pretty sure every kid since the beginning of time has done exactly that and been just fine.

But man, if these people are worried about freshly fallen snow, wait ’til they find out about the ’80s and ’90s, when we used to drink from a rusty garden hose. And they sure don’t want to hear about the contaminants coming out of their faucet …or how often the taps are cleaned at their favorite local bar.

So as far as I’m concerned, you enjoy your snow, little Mahomes children. Just make sure it’s not yellow. Or brown. Or that gray slushy stuff that piles up along the side of the road.

And don’t put mayonnaise on it.

Vikings WAGs Accuse Lions Fans Of Being Awful

While we’re on the WAG beat (Who am I, Zach Dean?), let’s check in with the women of the Minnesota Vikings.

The Vikings traveled to Detroit this weekend to take on the Lions in a battle for the NFC’s No. 1 seed. Since it was a big game AND the regular-season finale, the players’ wives and girlfriends all decided to tag along (WAG-along?), too.

…in their own private jet. 

Turns out, chugging High Noons on the flight was the most fun the ladies would have this trip. Not only did the Vikings lose, 31-7, but Lions fans reportedly weren’t too hospitable.

Whitney Risner, wife of Minnesota offensive lineman Dalton Risner, posted a “get ready with me” video showing off her outfit for the game. During the video, she explained that when she traveled to Detroit last season, rude fans heckled her the whole time. And that’s not how you treat a pretty lady in a sparkly purple jacket!

Apparently, she had a similar — maybe worse — experience at Ford Field on Sunday.

“Little did I know that I would be heckled, touched and called names at last night’s game by Detroit fans (Simply for being Vikings fans),” she wrote on top of the video.

And she wasn’t the only one with a complaint. 

Taylor Saunders, the girlfriend of Vikings linebacker Blake Cashman, claimed fans were “wishing injuries on the opposing players” in response to a social media comment praising Lions fans.

But wait, there’s more.

Sir Death, a Vikings superfan who made the trip to Sunday’s game, said his pregnant girlfriend was shoved by a Lions fan, and she almost fell down the steps as a result.

Because I can’t call someone “Sir Death” and still take myself seriously, I’m going to refer to him by his government name, Karl R. Heinrichs.

Karl wrote a very long recap of the encounter on his Facebook page, but here’s the gist of what happened:

A drunk man pushed her shoulder and said “Better luck next time”.
She’s 8 months pregnant, carrying her bag and fur cloak, walking up steep stairs.
She slipped backwards off the step, grabbing onto the railing to keep from falling. When she recovered her balance, she yelled at the guy “Real classy!”
To which he replied “Stupid bitch.”

— Facebook: Sir Death

I’ve only been to one game at Ford Field, and I was in the press box. So I can’t really weigh in on the typical behavior of Lions fans. But there are certainly bad apples in every NFL bunch.

That said, a little friendly heckling — especially if you’re very clearly a player’s wife, and you’re parading around in a purple rhinestone jacket — is to be expected. Obviously, though, there’s no excuse for putting hands on anyone.

Also, when I was asking Google who the heck “Sir Death” was, several news articles about Karl popped up. Turns out, he pleaded guilty in 2017 to felony drug possession with intent to sell after he was busted with 170 POUNDS of pot.

That’s not relevant at all to this incident, but I had to share because HOLY CANNOLI, that is a lot of Devil’s Lettuce.

Also, what is it about these superfans and the law?

Everyone Wants to Smell Like Lamar Jackson

Lamar Jackson has entered the cologne business.

The reigning NFL MVP did a recent segment for GQ where he listed the 10 things he can’t live without. And in case you don’t want to sit through the entire nine-minute video, here’s a spoiler:

  1. Bible
  2. Cologne
  3. The Entire Gym
  4. Cookies
  5. Hoodie
  6. Slides
  7. Jewelry
  8. His Children’s Book (I Dream, You Dream, Let Us Dream by L. Jackson)
  9. Natural Spring Water
  10. Music

First of all, the water thing is a total cop-out because DUH. I also love the casual self-promotion in this video. (If you think Lamar’s children’s book has a daily role in his life, I have several bridges to sell you.)

No hate on Lamar, of course. I actually really like the guy. Not only can he ball, but, by all accounts, he’s also just a good dude.

And, apparently, he makes a mean cologne. LJ admitted that he typically prefers more feminine fragrances, but he wanted to create something that he could wear, too. Thus, the unisex “Night Lights” scent was born.

Described as a “warm woody smell,” it got rave reviews in the Ravens locker room.

Since I don’t feel like dropping $90 to try out Night Lights, I’m going to have to take their word for it.

One thing is for sure, though, it has to be better than this:

By the way, when Hellman’s posted this ad for Will Levis No. 08 back in August, I warned in Nightcaps that the Titans’ unproven QB was playing a VERY dangerous game by subjecting himself to this embarrassment. Because if you suck, this sort of nonsense will only add fuel to the ridicule.

“All I’m saying, Will, is you better be good at football,” I wrote in August. “Or this video is going to haunt you until the end of time.”

READ: Caitlin Clark Ruined Hot Dogs, Songs We Shouldn’t Have Been Singing As Kids & Will Levis’ Mayonnaise Cologne

Four months and the worst record in football later, I rest my case. 

Bill Belichick Has Joined Social Media

Dating a 24-year-old has truly breathed new life into crotchety old Bill Belichick.

Not only is he going back to college to coach at UNC, but he’s doing silly photo shoots, wearing Halloween costumes, and he even — I hope you’re sitting down for this one — got his very own social media account.

The legendary head coach posted for the very first time on X on Monday, and it sent SHOCKWAVES through the football world, I tell you.

“Beat Dook.”

Incredible.

And since then, the 72-year-old has been a tweeting machine — re-posting pictures with potential recruits and even going on The Pat McAfee Show to announce his arrival on the social media platform.

What a time to be alive.

What’s next, Bill? A TikTok account? A YouTube channel? “Get Ready With Me” videos?! I am on the edge of my seat.

One More Thing: Enjoy This Spider Monkey In A Tutu

Police officers in Jefferson County, Mo., responded to reports of a monkey on the loose on the highway on Monday. When they found her, she was wearing a pink tutu.

And yes, I just assumed that spider monkey’s gender. I suppose it could have been a male primate who identifies as a beautiful ballerina.

Enjoy (and sorry in advance for the weird AI voice):

After “negotiations and some coaxing,” deputies were able to get close enough to the spider monkey to capture it.

I’d really like to know what those negotiations entailed.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.