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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching display today, President Biden awarded Vice President Kamala Harris the Presidential Medal of Participation.

Despite Harris failing to achieve any measurable success at any task she was given, the award demonstrated the fact that physically, she was often in the area.

“Even though she was on the losing team, the team that got curb-stomped by Donald Trump, Vice President Harris did participate, and no one can ever take that away from her,” said Biden. “With this medal, we recognize that you were here. Congratulations.”

Vice President Harris thanked the crowd for the tremendous honor. “Wow,” said Harris. “It just means so much. It reminds me that even though I didn’t show up sober, or show up with a single original thought in my brain, I showed up. I was, like, there. That’s what this medal means, right? To participate is to take part. ‘Part’ is part of the word, you know? And we all have to take part in what we are doing, and that time is every day.”

At publishing time, Biden had awarded Hilary Clinton the Presidential Medal of Stackin’ Bodies A Mile High.

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