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WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump has just named Buc-ee the Beaver as his Secretary of Transportation in a move bringing joy to millions of drivers across the country.

According to Trump, Buc-ee has an excellent track record of experience within transportation, and the Texan beaver should play a pivotal role in cleaning up America’s rest stops, gas stations, and roadside restaurants.

“Buc-ee is simply tremendous,” Trump told reporters. “His work is, quite frankly, some of the best work we’re seeing coming out of Texas. All of the big, beautiful gas stations, with the clean bathrooms and the fudge. They say that it’s the Trump Tower of gas stations, and that’s really saying something, because Trump Towers are the best towers. Buc-ee is going to do an outstanding job of making America’s gas stations great again.”

Buc-ee’s nomination has encountered no opposition whatsoever, a feat which is only precedented by the 1967 appointment of the first secretary Alan S. Boyd by Lyndon B. Johnson. Many are calling it the most politically unifying Cabinet appointment of the century.

At publishing time, Buc-ee had released a joint statement with DOGE stating that all DMVs would now be staffed by Buc-ee’s employees for the sake of cleanliness, efficiency, and courtesy. The statement has been met by wild rejoicing.


Babylon Bee subscriber Dr Conservative Prof contributed to this report.

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