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WORLD — The results of a shocking study released by Consumer Reports found that every single toy gifted on Christmas is now broken.

According to the report, gifts such as digital movies or video games were, in some cases, broken from the onset due to a number of technical problems, but even simple toy blocks or action figures have been shattered against the mountainside of good natured fun.

“Everything is gone,” said one family man quoted in the study. “I spent thousands of dollars. It’s all gone. Somehow, even the Michael Crichton book my wife got me has been torn to shreds. And that’s not even a toy!”

According to the report, there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for the broken gifts. Toys were reported broken for nearly every reason imaginable ranging from rough play to unseen malevolent forces. The phenomenon, the report notes, is worldwide. Even children in remote Amazon tribes are reporting broken sticks.

“LEGO pieces are missing, my GI-Joe was ripped in half, and the wheels on my skateboard jammed, throwing me onto the sidewalk and breaking my arm,” reported one teen. “And worst of all, my Tamagotchi died.”

At publishing time, parents worldwide were forced to resort to the most unbreakable toy imaginable: a ball you try to catch in a cup.


Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he’s hanging up the hat for good.


Watch Santa’s retirement announcement