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Happy post-Christmas Friday, and welcome to Nightcaps!

We’ve reached what is, in my opinion, one of the most bizarre stretches on the calendar. (Side note: I got a fresh Farside desk calendar for 2025. Let’s go!).

The time between Christmas and New Year’s is like some weird limbo where it kind of feels like a holiday but is also kind of just a normal week. I feel like it’s just me twiddling my thumbs (and if the bosses are reading this, working too) while I wait for the Winter Classic and big, meaningful bowl games to get started.

I mean, the GameAbove Sports Bowl was an instant classic, but it’s not the most historic bowl game on the slate…

But whatever it is, I hope it’s good to you, and hope you had a great Christmas and/or start of Hannukah and/or Festivus with plenty of gifts given and received and maybe even the occasional airing of a grievance.

We all know I like to air some grievances…

But, after a Christmas spent stuffing sweets into your food hole, it’s good to check in on your health, and what better way to do that than by taking a look at your gassers?

…I mean, going to a doctor is better, but it’s not as funny unless your doctor is Patch Adams… actually, that’s not that funny either.

This poor guy is clearly in the throes of some violent post-Christmas gas. (Getty Images)

Are Your Christmas Farts Doing What They Should Be Doing?

I like to think that I’m not one to get swayed by what I see in the media — seeing as I am a media professional (*Slicks back hair all cool-like*) — but I know that’s not the case.

I was flipping through the interwebs when I saw an article from The US Sun about what your post-holiday gas says about your health.

I panicked.

“Oh no,” I thought. “Who knows? If I’m farting too much or not enough, I could be on the verge of death and not know it!”

According to the article by the British Society of Gastroenterology — I never thought of the British as being fart experts, but between beige food and the fact that most of the Royal Family have a semi-permanent “just been crop-dusted” face, they may know what they’re talking about — the average person breaks wind an average of 15 times per day, but it can go as high as 40.

I don’t mean to fart shame, but 40 seems excessive…

Would You Add Xavier Legette’s Signature Raccoon To Your Holiday Feast?

You know it’s bad times for the Carolina Panthers when the most attention they’ve gotten all season long has come from the fact that their rookie wide receiver likes to chow down on raccoons.

Legette made headlines when he talked about his love of hunting and eating his own trash pandas, and this week he gave a reporter a taste of his home cooking during what appeared to be some kind of team Christmas party.

That is not what I expected homemade raccoon to look like…

Still, I think I’d give it a go just once to say I did it. It’s not cracking my holiday starting line-up though (which consisted of a brisket from Austin Texas’ famous Franklin Barbecue, thanks to my lovely fiancée. Boy, that was good eatin’).

I think any “exotic” meat — although, exotic may not be the right word for an animal that could be rummaging through your trash as we speak — is good to try just for the story.

That was how I felt the first time I had alligator. I did it for the story, and it turns out it’s delicious!

Now, since we’re on the subject of NFL foods…

Jerry Rice Takes A Picture Of Himself Holding A Sub Sandwich

I sometimes hate it when social media algorithms show me things that are weeks old, but other times I’m thrilled because they show me a gem I somehow missed.

This photo of NFL legend Jerry Rice holding up a Jersey Mike’s sub sandwich with little explanation is one of those moments.

Now, I don’t want to dish out free ads, but Jersey Mike’s makes a fine sub sandwich, and that No. 7?  That’s a turkey and provolone sub, and no one is going to get mad at that.

I also understand the idea of paying celebrities to post about products on their social media pages, but I’m just in awe of this photo.

The framing is so perfectly terrible, Jerry didn’t even comment on the sub itself, and I’m pretty sure this was taken in an airport because I’m pretty sure I see a Samsonite handle sticking up in the background.

I need more of this from Jerry. Perhaps he can hold up various Jersey Mike’s offerings. 

I don’t care, I just want more.

How Did None Of Us Realize “Free Bird” Is A Phenomenal Goal Song?

The best thing about the post-Christmas stretch is that it means it’s time for the World Junior Championship.

Team USA is looking to repeat as champs, and if there was an award for best goal song, they’d have already won it by going with a song that I don’t think too many people ever consider: Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.”

Goal songs can be tough to pick, but when you land on a good one, you need to roll with it, and Team USA has a gem here.

Check it out:

I love it, and they got to hear that one a lot on Thursday with the United States blowing out Germany by a score of 10-4 (good buddy) to open their tournament.

(Nothing says “Happy New Year” like letting some conman who has been dead for centuries bum us all out. (Getty Images))

Let’s See What Nostradamus Is Calling For In 2025

With just a few days to go before New Year’s Eve, it’s as good a time as any to see how Nostradamus is going to try to bum us all out before we’ve even blasted some party poppers to ring in the Year of Our Lord 2025.

Personally, I’m not a Nostradamus guy. If you make thousands of very vague predictions, people hundreds of years from now will be riding around in their flying cars or making their robot butlers make them future cocktails while saying, “Damn, that dude was a wizard or something.”

He’s not. He does the same thing modern-day “psychics” do: he keeps it vague so that people who want to believe can fill in the blanks.

Still, I think we need to see what he was calling for, just on the off chance Nostradamus has a solid year in 2025.

According to The Standard, the so-called-soothsayer is calling for a resurgence of an ancient plague with a side of devastating wars.

This is the other thing I hate about Nostradamus, he’s such a downer. He has hundreds of years worth of predictions and there’s not one where he’s like, “Everyone is going to make a lot of money, the weather will be great, and also there’s going to be a big, international bikini contest and Matt Reigle will get to be one of the judges.”

Nope, it’s just year after year of famine, war, plagues and natural disasters.

How about getting a little creative, my guy?

…

Well, that’s it for this edition of NIghtcaps!

Have a great weekend and finish out 2024 strong!