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OMAHA, NE — Local father Nathan Michaels called a family meeting Friday afternoon to inform his daughter that she wouldn’t be able to go to university because he spent her entire college fund on a single little bacon cheeseburger at Five Guys.

Though the family had set aside money for her to go to college when she grew up, Michaels had found himself hungry and in desperate need of a burger, leading him to make the difficult decision to stop at Five Guys and wipe out her college fund.

“Money’s tight,” he gently explained to his daughter, Joy, unsure how she would react to this blow to her future. “But I went to Five Guys and ordered a little bacon cheeseburger and… I’m sorry, sweetheart, but your college fund is gone. There’s still community college. Maybe trade school. We’ll figure something out.”

Five Guys’ Little Bacon Cheeseburger consists of a fresh, hand-formed patty hot off the grill with American cheese and strips of crispy apple-wood smoked bacon on top. Customers can choose as many toppings or condiments as they want. In the case of Michaels, he chose lettuce, mayo, and jalapeños. It currently sells for the low price of $84,999.99.

According to sources, Joy Michaels sat silently upon hearing that her future was wiped out with a single cheeseburger. When she came to herself, she only had one question: “Was it good?”

Her father did not mince words. “It was okay.”

At publishing time, Nathan Michaels was in the process of taking out a second mortgage on the family’s home so he could afford a full-sized bacon cheeseburger at his next trip to Five Guys.


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