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U.S. — Though economic analysts sounded the alarm over such a catastrophe happening just before Christmas, husbands across the country breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing thousands of Amazon workers were going on strike.

Experts predicted that the strike would likely throw the Christmas gift-buying season into chaos due to shipping delays, but husbands throughout the nation rejoiced that it might provide them an opportunity to keep their households out of poverty.

“I might be able to avoid filing for bankruptcy now,” said Tom Erickson. “I just can’t ever seem to work enough hours to keep up with my wife’s Amazon purchases, so we’re sinking deeper and deeper into debt. Now that Amazon workers are going on strike, my children might have an outside shot at being able to eat.”

Other men at a local meeting of husbands concurred. “This is the best news I’ve heard in a long time,” one man said. “We can all at least temporarily take a break to catch our breaths from constantly bringing in wave after wave of boxes from the front porch. If I go even one day without checking, the packages pile up so high they block the door. That’s a fire hazard. We owe these striking Amazon workers a debt of gratitude. They’ve saved us all.”

At publishing time, reports were also coming in of wives across the country donning sackcloth, pouring ashes on their heads, and wailing at the city gates upon hearing the news of the Amazon strike.


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