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On Tuesday night, Fall River (MA) police officers executed a warrant regarding narcotics. When they got to 127 Canal Street, the suspects attempted to flee and took to the roof. One managed to leap off the roof, over the officers, and into a nearby yard where he got away.

The other, well, let’s watch:

Look at this guy:

Langlais was so wedged into the chimney that the police had to call in the fire department to get him out.

They took him to the hospital to make sure he hadn’t caught the flue in the chimney or otherwise hurt himself, and when he was found to have nothing injured but his pride, they booked him on drug related charges and other unnamed prior warrants.

This story just goes to show why chimney sweeping should be left to small British children and fat old guys in red suits.

I figured this story was worthy of a holiday poem, so I wrote one for Mr. Langlais:

The lights were all flashing: red, white, and some blue,

When with a knock at the door, the police flew through,

“You’ve the right to remain silent,” they solemnly read,

But they were too late because the crooks had both fled.

And there, in a twinkling, a sound on the roof:

Some prancing, some pawing, and a very loud “Oomph!”

As the cops climbed to the top and were turning around,

Down the chimney, the perp leapt with a bound.

He struggled and stammered to get to the floor,

But it was no use; he could descend no more.

Full of holiday mirth, the police hooted and hollered,

All thanks to the criminal Santa, they’d just collared.

They threw him in the back and started the cruiser,

And reminded the perp he was one pathetic loser.

I heard them exclaim as they drove out of sight,

“That’s one fewer perp on the streets for tonight.”

(PLEASE CLAP)

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