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U.S. — A panel of the top aviation scientists and physicists stepped forward yesterday to admit that they have absolutely no idea how planes fly and that they’re completely shocked every time when they don’t crash.

“It’s absurd. Planes make zero sense,” said Dr. Henry Hartfeld, winner of the 1997 Nobel Prize in Physics. “Obviously, a giant metal object weighing 47 tons should fall right out of the sky. We don’t have the foggiest idea why they don’t. I am totally dumbfounded every single time I see one somehow floating in the sky and not plummeting straight down. It’s crazy.”

The aviation engineers confessed that all the stuff about air pressure below and above the wings was just made up one day as a joke. “Oh yeah, a little difference in air pressure will totally lift this 500,000 pound metal tube off the ground,” laughed aerospace engineer Dr. Matthew Stanton. “We never meant for anyone to take that seriously, that’s obviously nuts. Honestly, the whole flying thing is just completely bananas and we got nothing.”

At publishing time, scientists had also confirmed that they don’t know why wireless charging works either and it is really super weird how that happens.

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