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As one generation gives way to the next, you may find yourself looking in the mirror and wondering, “Hey, am I old now?”

Here are 15 signs that you are, in fact, old:

  1. You saw this article scrolling Facebook: Dead giveaway.

  2. You have something in your wallet called
    “cash”: Okay, boomer.

  3. You take a minute to plan your approach before picking something up off the floor: Can’t be too hasty.

  4. You whisper secrets so Alexa doesn’t hear you: You know they’re listening!

  5. You experience the sudden urge to put on a Steely Dan CD: Plus, you own CDs.

  6. You have car glasses, reading glasses, work glasses, TV glasses, and regular glasses: None of which you can locate.

  7. Your orthopedist named his boat after you: Subtle, but a sure sign.

  8. You just checked the clock to see when you can take ibuprofen again: Nope, it’s only been 13 minutes.

  9. You tape little pieces of paper over your computer’s camera so the hackers can’t see you: Smart.

  10. You think Babylon Bee headlines are real news: A classic symptom of oldness.

  11. You sign all of your texts ‘Love, Dad’: And you think LOL means ‘Lots of Love.’

  12. Reeeeeee!!: Oh, that’s just your tinnitus flaring up again.

  13. You’re on an Alaskan cruise: They’re like a siren song to the old.

  14. You were born in the 1930s: Pretty straightforward.

  15. You got elected to Congress: Oof.

How many boxes did you check there, old-timer?

Here’s what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!


Make America Healthy Again!