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LOS ANGELES, CA — Journalist and pandemic enthusiast Taylor Lorenz quietly stroked her dead stuffed cat this week and reassured the deceased kitty that everything was just fine.

Lorenz sat in an unfurnished apartment on a single folding chair wearing an n95 face mask while holding the long-ago deceased feline, whom she named ‘Mr. Friskers’ after picking up the pussycat at an antique store last year. “We’re doing great, aren’t we buddy?” asked Lorenz as she rubbed his matted, dead, head and patted his dusty back.

“They don’t know, Mr. Friskers. They think I’m crazy. But I’m not. I’ll show them. I’m the least crazy person in the world. I’m glad you agreed to get your latest Covid booster, Mr. Friskers. If we hadn’t, I’d throw you in the garbage incinerator like I did to the last dead cat who crossed me. Quiet, Mr. F., you need your rest.”

The former Washington Post reporter has made headlines recently after posting on X about her glee over the murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson. She also appeared on an episode of Piers Morgan this week, smiling while explaining her admiration for the man who gunned down the father in cold blood. Lorenz continues to wear a face mask in public and has expressed ongoing fear of the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Come here, Mr. Friskers. Let’s put your face mask on and head out to get the mail. We’ll need to clean it all with bleach before we can open it. Can’t be too careful!”

At publishing time, Lorenz had sent a letter to CEO assassin Luigi Mangione begging him to let her and Mr. Friskers visit him in prison.

Here’s what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!


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