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EAGAN, MN — Admissions staff and teachers at St. Thérèse of Lisieux K-12 Parochial School were delighted to announce that the private Catholic school would now be offering families a significant discount on their 8th enrolled child.

According to sources at St. Thérèse K-12, the new discount is meant to ease the financial burden on Catholic families seeking a traditional Catholic education for their children, especially the six families who make up half of the enrollment.

“Deo gratias, we are now able to help subsidize your children’s education with the new 8th Child Discount,” said Dr. Jonathan Biene, headmaster at St. Thérèse. “The new discount should help matters for many of our families, especially those who are already on child ten or eleven, in addition to bringing in new students and families.”

Several fathers of St. Thérèse students have expressed their gratitude to the school for its generosity.

“Mirabile dictu, nunc ingentes debita mea ob paideiam filiorum meorum solvere possum,” said Joseph Niklos in his native Catholic tongue, who can now afford to send his sixteenth kid to St. Thérèse K-12. “O hoc quod maxime optabam! Gratias maximas vobis ago!”

At publishing time, the St. Thérèse K-12 enrollment had been increased by nearly 50 students after four new families found out about the discount.

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